Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Motivational Monday featuring JustJas and SimplyLewis

Want to smile?

Want to feel motivated?

Hope this video does the trick for you!

Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Why your anxiety is not your fault.

Let's clear this up.

If you have anxiety or depression it's likely you will know what I'm talking about here.

Black cloud days.

Those days when one minute you are buzzing and determined, then along comes the black cloud, in whatever form, and BAM! you are out of whack for several days.

What triggered that mood, thought, feeling?  
Often it was someone and their harsh word.  
Their misunderstanding of you.  
Their less than kind heart.

You would NEVER act like that to someone right?  Never would you be rude or unkind or simply seem uncaring.  The reason you wouldn't is because you know too well that there may be another story behind that smile.  

Imagine the scenario.  Just recently, you have been up against it, wondering how you might manage to get life back on an even keel.  Then you wake up thinking, "I'm going to give it my very best shot."
You dress nicely, you make every determined effort to be like the old you.  The one before all this.  Skipping through your day nicely feeling confident and smiley.  People all around you warming to your mood. 

Then comes the unkind person.  The sharp tongue.  The less than helpful answer.  

Your day crumbles as you run with tears soaking your cheeks.  Where you are going you just don't know.  You phone your 'go to' person to keep yourself safe.  Patting yourself on the back momentarily from stopping this black cloud taking you one step too far.

Writing off the rest of the day, perhaps even the next couple of weeks,  you and your headache wonder how someone could be so nasty, so unhelpful, so unkind.  You would never be like that. 

This is NOT your fault. 

As the black cloud lifts over the next days and weeks and even just a break in that cloud suggesting a glimmer of sunlight you must remember, this is not your fault.  Likely there is a simplistic reasoning for this.  Likely you caught the unkind tongue at a bad moment.

Never would I excuse such behaviour but they are human too.  
You feel how you feel.  That is human too.  It is not your fault.  
They should be kind, yes.  We all should be kinder, bigger hearted, creating the wonderful world we dream of in our depressed, anxious state of mind.  

Still you can ask yourself why,  so long as you remember, this is not your fault.  You did not deserve such behaviour and it is NOT your fault.

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Saturday, 4 March 2017

How lost I feel when words fail me...

Losing count of how many times I have attempted to pick up my laptop recently, I wonder how to start...

Words never fail me.  Never do I suffer writers block.  Something inside me feels lost.  

What is going on?

Head lost.  New directions looming.  Challenges all around.  Sad people surround me as I do my best to lift them up.   

Yet all this time I am not writing.  Which you know is my passion.  

A firm believer in life taking twists and turns and taking you places you may not have thought about going, I do wonder how this is unfolding. 

Life and the law of attraction has been giving me the most massive signals for quite some time - do this, don't do that - and I have listened but not instantly.  I hear them but don't always act.  To leave devastating consequences with bigger messages.

Looking after my family is obviously  a massive thing right now.  Mum is still very poorly and doesn't think she will be heading home anytime soon.  Which is sad but lovely to have her.  This leaves me with a big question mark over my future.  

Tiny percentages of clients are overly demanding, not showing the big hearted care I would indeed show them at a time like this.  University is hotting up as we head towards the end of the second term of the second year.  We need to be there a lot. Still I love it.  My passion.  I get excited at the thought of going into university and soaking up like a sponge. Education.  Helping others.  Health.  I love it all.

Arriving home with nothing but exhaustion is the only explanation I can find for my lack of words.  
Still, I want to write.  Still I write mentally in my head.  Still there are those mental battles of which piece of writing comes next.  

Yet switching on the computer and getting those fingers effortlessly flying across the keyboard in the usual fashion seems near on impossible.

So what is the answer?

Last night, I wasn't ready to sleep.  Yet neither did I want to 'get into' the TV.  
Youtube called my name as I searched on the phone, "Full time blogger."  Hoping for inspiration, I was attracted to click on a lady who's name was Sarah.  She began to speak into the camera about her life, her fertility treatment, her twins and her cooking which she takes online to inspire others. Sounded like me! 8 years my junior, I watched my inspiration grow as she realistically told of hard work, late nights and those days when you question what you are doing.  Then she also told of her passion, as I watched her eyes sparkle.  Her time was her own to manage.  She could spend time with her children, get to the school plays,  be sponsored by holiday companies to go away and write and shoot photos.
My eyes began to droop as the familiar feeling of fatigue haunted me into sleep. 

This morning I have awoken refreshed, feeling so much better physically than yesterday.  A blessing indeed.  Coffee made (with soya of course!) I headed to this place. 

My writing desk; my space

Somewhere we set up a week ago to leave mum in peace to watch her daytime TV while I take a communication system to be envied by NASA (A Doorbell which you plug in) and head off to write, to study, to work.
Ok there is a little mess here already, yet my buddha candle, my daylight window and the birds tapping on the cabin roof while singing their early morning birdsong has me singing inside too. 

Just like Sarah, with hard work and determination I can do this. I mustn't lose sight of that. I can make it happen.  Days will be hard but I can get there.  We can all get there. 

Will you?

© Louise Usher. All rights reserved.