Sunday, 18 June 2017

Lost

Lost.  Feeling lost.  

Wanting so much yet never having what I need in my physical body to enable this life.
Wanting to write, to read, to edit more.  Yet I awake and I want to sleep more.  My tummy rumbles in a C flat.  Why oh why can’t I shake all this?  Why isn't my house cleaner, my course easier, my mums house just packing itself up all by itself without the need of help from me?

Accounts need doing today. If I don’t get those done, there will be a consequence.  

Finding the perfect idealistic income opportunity, talking to mum about this seems tricky.  She doesn’t understand. 

Aiming to be off the anti depressant pills by September, I’m just not sure where I begin to stop those.  it’s a frightening feeling.  
Days go fast and less gets done.

Reading a book of journal entries, I know I simply want to get journal entries out of my head and onto paper.  Does this sound like a book idea?  

Writing, my saviour.

If only this would generate the income for help within the home.  Even making phone calls I need to make feels like an effort.  Everything feels like an effort.  Is it? Or am I lazy?  I didn't used to be. I used to work 90 odd hours a week.  Yet I ate at work,  did little to no housework (we were never there) and somehow life seemed to simply just work for me.  

Where is my energy?
Not in the bottom of  a coffee cup I know. I tried this one.  Doesn’t work.

My blood sugars are going silly. I hate that.  I need to get into Ketosis again.  Yet fathers day looms and there must be a meal for sure.  Will this meal have potatoes?
Gosh, none of this scramble head coming out on paper makes me look remotely normal. I know this for sure.  

I feel unwell.  I think I am unwell.  Even though I have tried the law of attraction for health.  

Crohns.  Being fed rice from 3 days old.  All my body struggles.  My poor body.
They are trying me on peppermint oil supplements.  After the gynae dr asked “What parts would you like me to remove for you?” And I looked stunned.

I knew where the future was heading.  Now I’m not so sure.


For now, I will sleep some more I feel.
SHARE:

Monday, 12 June 2017

Why I owe you a big apology!

I'm sorry.  So so sorry.

You are the most important thing on my blogosphere.  You must know that right? If not, let me tell you then I tell you why...

I think about you all day, pretty much every day.  You are on my mind and in my thoughts.  I remember I must tell you this and that, writing out the muse in my mind in a way I feel is creative enough to warrant that keyboard under my fingertips before I get a chance.
It's not about the writing, its about the reading. 

The readers...YOU.

Why do I need to apologise to you?  IT's on my mind to write to you constantly then I don't.
Bedtime comes around and I have talked myself out of writing. For whatever reason there might be.   I'm tired, I've got off the boil, I'm tired.  Yet what is the number 1 thing I want to be doing with my time when I'm not at work work or looking after the family? It's writing to you guys.


Now you see there have been many times of late when those 'monkey chatters' have been going round and round my mind telling me to do something sensible with my time. Something credible. Something that will make me a solid grounding amount of money to take care of the family.
Yet is that really what I want to be doing?  Is that what will fill my cup,  feed my soul and get the bit between my teeth in this journey called life?

The law of attraction has been fluent in my life for around 4 years now, yet still I tweak it and play around with it, arguing with it.  Then along it comes with a bang to tell me, "Not like that, like this."  More than ever before I feel it.  i feel a calling with such strength to tell you my stories, to teach what i know and to help you along your law of attraction journey too. I had never forgotten that.  Yet needed reminding.

You may know through my other posts or by my social media (especially Instagram which I have been active on lately) that I'm doing lots of travelling. I'm loving it.  Every day I mentally write  a blog post to you all with cute photos the minute I get a chance yet still they haven't made the cute to this blog.  They will.  As will my stories.  

Clarity hit me right between the eyes this afternoon as excuses be gone.  Not a chance in the world that I will sit and take that sensible chance.  I'm a writer.  It's in my heart.  In my crazy blonde curly hair and in my life.


Me, my crazy hair and a bit of travel


I will write for you guys.  Help me by reading my blog...



Love always


Louise xoxo 
SHARE:

Emotional Motivational Monday

Have you been victim to life stopping you being the person you want? Being the success you know you can be...
Now it's our time.

In this video I talk about this book:
Rich Dad, Poor Dad.  It's a game changer for me.




I hope you will take a little time out of your day to watch it and I hope it resonates with you.



Much love as always


Louise xoxo
SHARE:

Monday, 5 June 2017

You are a miracle - Motivational Monday

Did you know what a cell looks like?

Well you are made of cells and knowing what goes on inside a cell is to me a miracle.
Even conception is a massive miracle.

Love your body.  Whatever shape and size it is.  It's a miracle.

Take a look at this: Anatomy of a cell

Sheet brilliance.

What will you do to recognise your amazing-ness today?

Much love

Louise xoxo



SHARE:

Sunday, 4 June 2017

Videos of Majorca travel

Do you love watching Youtube?  Have a little look at this:

I'm chuffed to say I'm off travel vlogging once more. Head on over and come have a look at my videos in Majorca https://youtu.be/Lr7zvPUYgIU

Already, since my last blog post, I feel I'm beginning to look better.  Sure am feeling better, heck I even got some sleep. Waking at daylight time twice now!  Resetting my circadian rhythms as I read "Wired to Eat", educating myself more in the past couple of days than the entire time in University.   Perhaps, that's just me realising what I want to learn and what I need to learn.

Meanwhile, I feel how much my heart sings while I write my blogs, take these photos and edit the videos for you all to see.  Easy to share the love there.  Easy to feel my heart led passions there...






Do me a favour? Head over to the Youtube channel above and help me with my passions.  Subscribe and watch, comment on here.  Show me your own blogs. Let's share the love between us to fill all our passions.

Much love as always

Louise xoxo

SHARE:

Friday, 2 June 2017

Time to travel to Majorca

Majorca.  The island of blue skies and blue waters reflecting within the sandy beaches.

I love Majorca.  Had to believe it has taken me so long to find this place in my life.

Here for two weeks to relax, read, educate myself and get things moving along in my health, Scott and I have headed to the mountains.  Fully intending to take care of myself (the little things like a proper skincare routine),  I'm going to take time out of life to show myself some love.

Here's a couple of photos, I feel I need to write more but my early morning sees me super tired today.


Waiting for a bus!

In the airport lounge

On the plane!

Look at the coastline of Majorca

I never tire of this view.


Tired but happy with the balcony.

SHARE:

When you're just not 'feeling it'

Here I sit, with this view.


Amazing sounds all around. I hear a cockerel crowing in the morning, along with the birds.  Occasional dog bark, I visualise him chasing the chickens.   Sun rises again.  A true miracle in itself.

Is it holiday mode?  Or is it fuelling my heart beat?  My soul being filled in its cup.

Nature.  How I love nature.

Writing,  creating films.  Funny little things really where we shoot stuff around us in the hope it will inspire some people to live their dreams.  Along side their dreams live my dreams.  This is my dream.  To travel, to write, to film.  Documenting stories.  Telling those stories.  All while enjoying another insomniac night...

Then up pops a message on Facebook,  another exam result is in.  Excited, I take a look.
Disappointed, I didn't pass.  Writing in my journal directly after the exam, "Loved that exam, smashed it. Definitely done enough to pass." Thinking I may get a first in the exam, I was gutted to see I couldn't even hit the pass mark.  Being honest with myself, my peers and the entire system, I'm just not feeling it.  I worked really hard for these exams and now it's feeling like it's over.

I could resit.  Could I do any better than I already did? Do I want to?  Do I want to carry on with this degree? For all the stress and ill health I have endured (all while putting my writing dream on the back burner) I'm just not sure it's what I want anymore.  The system has jaded me.  I feel the real me inside is dying as I gain weight, suffer inflammation, deal with hormone issues, don't sleep past 3am each morning.  Is it worth it? For a piece of paper which says I have a degree...then what? I continue doing what I'm doing now.  Writing and creating content for Youtube.

Lots of thinking to do.
SHARE:

Thursday, 1 June 2017

Time to sleep...

2am today.

2am?  It gets more crazy. Why don't I sleep?  Excitement?  Just don't need it?  Hmm, not sure I can say the latter as I haven't been feeling so well of late.  The crohns is nudging me to remind me it's still lurking. 
"Don't take me for granted." It calls.  I know, I hear you.  

We are friends now, me and Crohns. It's part of my life. A part I know I don't have to give too much attention to as I read the newest book in my library, "You are the placebo."
Yet, as I try hard to gain control of my tummy issues recently, I nervously pack for holiday.

Needing lots of care and attention to what I might take for appropriateness, I curse myself as once again I failed to take care of myself as much as I had promised this past week.

"Get to the gym." I ordered.
"Use the sunbed." I decided.  Making myself look more healthy generally helps with the mindset of feeling like I am healthy.  Still, fatigue took over and made me a spoonie once again. 
Intending to walk at as much speed as my tired legs will carry me, I'll help those cells get the oxygen they need from the sea air as I take to my holidays.  

Knowing this might be the first one in a long time (or should that be last one?) I pack armed with books and kindle and all things to help me relax.  

The stress of university exams has hardly seemed worth it to be honest.  The stress it has taken on my body is a hefty price to pay. Trying on the new clothes I bought for holiday I hardly recognised the woman staring back at me in the mirror.  Who is she?  My mum? 
Aging and losing the body that I would now love to have (wishing I had realised that way back when I looked more healthy than this) I am convinced I can get back to the place I was 3 years ago when my body was feeling better than now.
Surely hard work and paying attention to health can get those muscle tones back again.  'They' keep telling me in the medical world I need to take this and that, have this medication, this procedure, give up on the hard working life I lead.  Yet surely I could take a different approach and slowly get those fitness levels back again.

Not sleeping doesn't help.  Gladly, I gave up my room when mum came to live with us.  Yet I know it is taking its toll on my health.  We need to create more space.  Yet for the next 15 nights (would you include tonight still, although the dawn chorus is beginning?) I have a bed, some space to walk around naked,  which in turn means I can moisturise to my hearts content.  Well, who likes to do that then get dressed?  Be honest.  Ewww.

Holiday mode.  I feel blessed and lucky.  I have lots to read.  Lots to fill my mind with self help.  Cringe if you must but it makes me feel positive and bright for the future.

Knowing I have time to delete the 11,000 emails that have accumulated in my inbox while writing blogs and editing videos for the next couple of weeks, I know I am fuelling my passion.  The visitors to this blog have shown me with their feet they are out there. In turn the universe allows me to believe this can of course be the full time gig.  I LOVE it.  Thank you for reading! And subscribing to my youtube

Holiday time.  Here I sit at crazy o'clock and write.  After a particularly strange meal at dinner last night (I expected too much from Thyme at the Premier inn) I'm feeling a little the worse for wear.  Heading off to an all inclusive resort for our holiday,  I know I will have to use restraint and make careful food choices around my crohns.  Often limited, I must avoid the french fries.  They are way too 'carby' for me! Sometimes, the brits complain on trip advisor that it was the fries that saved them from starvation.  Hmm, lets see what we can do! Watch this space to follow our journey!




Much love, as always

Louise xoxo
SHARE:
© Louise Usher. All rights reserved.
BLOGGER TEMPLATE BY pipdig