Christmas is different now.

Christmas. 

Not what it used to be as a child. Crickey, Christmas even used to have its very own smell. Let alone a feeling to surround its aura. 


Who would get the biggest gift?
What would be on TV?
Would we be allowed to sit in the living room with the warm coal fire? Would we be sent to the cold hallway for bad behaviour?

Different. Not worse. 

This year, I've a job to do. Looking after mum. Keeping her tears few as she spends this Christmas without dad. First time in 50something years. 
First time I spend it with my loved one. Thankful of him surviving myocarditis. 

My babies are growing up. I sense the ease and quiet with which Christmas may be in future years as they spend times with their partners. Ease and quiet making this sound amazing. Yet who doesn't love chaos at Christmas?
There is certainly a new feeling this year without dad. I feel Christmas will never be the same again. 

Professor Brian Cox presents a show on TV which caught my eye. Speaking of the science of the universe. 

I remember. 

I'm a tiny dot in the universe. I can also be, do or have whatever I want. 
2017, hurry along now. I'm waiting.

Happy Boxing Day everyone

Much love

Louise xoxo

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My twins are off to college!

Yes that's right, it's super hard to believe but my lovely children are off to college.



It seems just yesterday I was crying over another negative pregnancy test (yet also seems a lifetime ago so how does that work?!) and now here I am proudly waving them off to college.



I'm super excited for them, truth be told.



As a single mum of two little babies I did spend a lot of time in a panic.  What if something happened to me?  What if they had no one to take care of them?  Not only did I want to be there every step of the way but they needed a parent to bring them up too!  Honestly, there is this long story where I used to sit in bed at night trying to take my pulse as I could feel my heart racing.

Three times I ended up in the A and E being tested for heart issues.  I now know this was purely anxiety.  I refuse to say 'only' as anxiety and 'only' do not belong in the same sentence.  If you are a sufferer you will know that!  Anyhow, it wasn't without leaving scars on my health but I'm generally ok.  Enough to be a reasonably good mum (I hope the twins would agree).



My time at college (I had 7 years of it during my lifetime) was so much more amazing than school.  I hated school.  Bullies and silly people made life miserable.  So I was pleased to get my teeth stuck into college.

My two have loved school but are super excited for college.



I'm excited for them too!



Much love



Louise xoxo

Kids growing up - My twins

Long ago,  in a time which seems like yesterday,  I cradled my miracle IVF twins on their Christening day.

Can you imagine how proud I was on this day.  I never thought the day would come.  9 years of trying,  injections,  tests, operations and the like finally brought me my gorgeous twins.

A girl and a boy.

JACKPOT!

Feeling blessed every step of the way,  I can say hand on heart I'm one lucky mother.  They are a really sweet pair of children.  Today though,  they are growing up.  So much so that the time I booked off to spend with them on these summer holidays I'm finding myself ever so slightly redundant.  Most mums would scream: "Yesssss.... more coffee shop time!"

Leaving me in a place of, "What now?" Can be a little overwhelming.  My twins very much still need me so I can't go far and it's certainly not time to tour the country with work as I did pre-twins.  So here I am thinking,  "I need more right now."  

Wondering what that is,  I took a phone call from one of my best friends in the world,  Lulu.  She's wise.  Her response after I told her all my thoughts and how I'm loving writing more but still going with my business she said,
"My answer when you have several balls in the air is keep them in the air until such a time as you begin to drop one,  cos that's the time it isn't working."
Great point.  So here I am,  being a bit of a mum,  a salon consultant, writer and blogger.  Does writer and blogger come in as one?

Sad but cute thing:  My twins are very aware of me being alone until I finally greet Mo at the airport.  They often check on me to see I'm ok.  They are cute.  Bless them.  We will always be close and I know that will never change.  Leaving them to spread their wings is one of the hardest part of parenting.

Maybe it's time for some more babies.....