Depressed on holiday?

Ok, so I forgot to take my tablets for 4 days.  

I'm not that person though.  Not that person who needs that tablet?  Without which negative thoughts creep in making me feel blue, sad, inadequate and all?  No surely not.

Maybe (almost definitely) it was the fact I have lots of university work to do.  Like, loads.  And in respect to that work I have certainly lost my muse.  What's the point?  You submit work, you've worked hard on it and they give ALL of us terrible marks.  The feedback is written by a child it seems and the entire thing has me blue.

A looming exam Wednesday. I need to revise.  Should I wing it? I'm honestly feeling that I'm at the end of the line regarding this work.  To the point of feeling excited when I talk about quitting.  

12 weeks to go.  IT would be daft right?

Yet I'm not enjoying this holiday like I thought I might purely for the fact of doing all this work.

No editing of films has gone on while I'm here and that's usually my late night love.  

For today, I will put down the books and do something I love, write.  I will edit a film later maybe.  Definitely walk along the beach (if mum is well enough to be left as the took a downturn yesterday).

Such a shame to feel this black cloud approaching when surrounded by beautiful beaches and the amazing blue sea.

Just goes to show, sometimes the bigger picture of what is going on in your life is the exact thing that is bringing you down rather than the surrounding environment.  Does any of this blog post make sense?  I'm not even sure.  Yet If I share a few photos with you now I will feel proud of them.  Showing Jasmine the world and laughing together is a definite way I would love to spend my life.

12 weeks...

Directly outside the hotel is this prom. Great for walkers.

Love locks are everywhere.  

Never ceases to take my breath away

Watching the sun come up from my balcony.  Sigma lens zooms for this shot. 

What my holiday did for my depression

Skirting around this issue for a while, dropping you guys hints but not really going into great depth, I feel at a place where I can share with you my ongoing battle.

Anxiety and depression.

These are almost like new buzz words that somehow seem trendy.

Feelings like these go against all I believe in and all that I stand for,  yet it seems this is not a choice I have made.  It simply is.

My diagnosis came over a year ago now and I'm in bi-weekly therapy and hate to admit there is medication involved. I will speak more about that in another post yet for now, I am blogging here today as things are feeling better.  I want to share with you what helped for me.




Returning late last night from Alcudia in Majorca, Spain from a 3 night break with my mum helped.  I know not everyone can have the freedom of getting away from it all like I did and I am truly thankful.  Mum treated us both as we have found it difficult to get time to grieve after Dad passed away a few weeks ago (it's his 75th birthday today, so happy birthday Dad up there on your cloud).  

One of my sessions of therapy is with a mentor, someone who helps with practical stuff, how to cope with my university work load and that type of skill.  She also introduced me to mindfulness. 

It is a practice where you bring your attention to the here and now.  Lots of meditation.  But mostly realising that worry is when you think about past or present.  Worry has caused my anxiety.  I'm a worrier.  Yet I am also a law of attraction person.  So how can the two go hand in hand?  Can we actually control our thoughts to make us deal with life things better?  Taking lots of practice, I am beginning to see some clarity.  



For me, the sea, sand and sunny days are therapy in themselves.  I spent so much time walking up and down the sand that I could barely walk.  While the souls of my feet were in so much pain, my inner soul was nurtured. 

I'm super positive right now and I honestly want to write it all down so I don't forget! 

I know what I want, I know how i'm going to get it.  Watch me!

For so so long now I have known I want to earn my living with freedom.  Freedom to travel, to be, to take time to walk the dog when I need to.  While my job as a nutritionist will see me helping patients, I will primarily doing my work from my laptop.  Writing all my findings and publishing them for free for the world to use to create better health.  Gaining sponsorship from affiliate companies who I believe in.  Helping to spread the word of fabulous products.

All while saving to travel, taking my laptop with me and working like there's no tomorrow.

You see, I want to make a difference, my fingers are flying across the keyboard with passion and positivity right now! Yes, It will be hard work.  Yes, I need guidance and mentors.  Yes, it will take me time and money to invest in my new website.  Yet, I am determined to do it.

I wake with a smile on my face.  Feeling the world is a brighter and better place.  For so long now, my physical health has suffered.  I know the two go hand in hand.  I need time to work on my body, working on my damaged spine with pilates and not making excuses not to go.

Depression is exhausting.  Feeling like you can breathe and fill your lungs with life giving oxygen is a totally new feeling.  I love it.  I'm in love with life right now and can see all that it can bring me.  I can and will do this.  Are you with me?  Will you support me?  I can't do any of this without my lovely audience.  You guys.  I know this will be super. 

A new journey into a new me.  I'm working harder and loving it.  I'm eating better, losing a few extra pounds, I'm working on the spinal injuries and my crohns.  I want to do this.  In a few weeks, if I begin to see me slipping back into the old routines, I will revisit this post and realise how wonderful life can be.  

Only I can make this happen.  No amount of disrespect from others will stop me.  They don't matter.  I've been letting them in for far too long.  

We all have amazing gifts to bring to this world.  

I urge you to read mindfulness.  It has helped beyond belief.  

Much love

Louise xoxo

Winter walk on the beach

An uphill climb sometimes?

Life had been overly busy.

As usual, frantic times were to be had in the Usher household. 

Too much to do, not enough time to do it.  The usual kind of thing you would find in any house.  Feeling a little overwhelm and sadness along with a good pinch of resentment coming in; I realised.  

It was definitely time.

Time to get out in nature and blow away the cobwebs.  I didn't seem to mind that it was the middle of winter.  Nor did it matter to me that it might be amazingly cold on the beach. 

Pulling up the handbrake of the car, tired eyes grew wide as we looked down to the beach below.  Tidal seas had taken the water far away from the beach, leaving playful rock pools to explore and just the right amount of depth for small furry paws to dip.


The beach was going to host us on this day and that was that!

The brightest of blue skies

Harley was keen to come and get his feet wet and  a coat full of sand.  That was just fine.  We all needed our legs stretched and i had decided we would make it a very long walk!

Small paw prints on the golden sand.

Margate Clock tower.

Sun blazing, the sky was as blue as the equatic skies.  Lucky with the warmth, we could not quite fathom the weather.  This was February.  The time of year when spring begins but to have felt the warmth on our skin was amazing.  

Aching feet but happy souls, we walked several miles.  Even Harleys little legs. 

Just what the universe needed us to do.  Get grounded.  Be in the nature.

Without taking time to stock, things can go bang.  

Until the next bit of pressure of time, or unpleasantness that can so often be coupled with human beings, I was in a state of calm.  The natural surroundings of our local beach in Kent had healed once again.

I love this place.  Goodness does it know how to talk nicely to people.

Wordless.

Just its energy.  It's feeling.

Thank you, nature.

Twin hike

A work in progress, restoring the wonderful Margate

Taking a moment.  Taking stock. 

Long shadows in the winter sun. 

This fella watching over the sea.  Inhabitants behind forget to. 

Our New Year walk

So often it's good to forget what you 'should' be doing and just down tools and get to doing it!

I'm not kidding you, we dressed up today in warm clothes and took to a very busy park to enjoy looking at the trees, the nature, the blue sky.  Blowing away the cobwebs.  I loved it.  Was amazing.

What have you done recently to ground yourself?  It's been a busy time of year for you, I know.  So if you didn't stop just yet, imagine, and use the art of visualisation to take you to a place where we went today.  Then, it's your turn.

Remember: Thoughts become things!!!