Why am I changing universities?
To be honest I very much expect if there had been an option to continue my studies at my current university I would have done but
1. this course wasn't offered there and
2. the people I have met at my new Uni seem totally up my street, heart led and just beautiful.
More than anything this is what I need in my life right now. Gentleness and kindness.
Life feels different right now and very good! Which is crazy and odd as I honestly should be depressed and worried! The reason? I had a new shock diagnosis to go hand in hand with my crohns. You see crohns is an inflammatory disease of the digestive tract and now it seems I'm also inflamed in my joints as there is this "Ankylosing Spondylitis" too. So for me, learning to dictate my writing will be incredible and I'm very excited to step into the future that lies before me by living my total best life.
Wondering if I'm right about the knowledge I have about the gut and brain links, I know that since I have changed my diet to one of low starch, (only 7 days ago on the advice of the medics) I feel better in my brain. Hard to explain but I definitely do. Those pesky opportunistic bacteria (called Klebsiella in my case) are packing their little suitcases for migration and I guess that might have something to do with my gut health improving. Whatever the reason and cause, I don't actually mind - so long as I am feeling good on it and motivated and looking better (4lbs down already!) then I'm not going to debate this whole thing. I got this.
Sadly, it has taken such extreme measures for me to finally make the changes I need in my life to be the person I want to be but lets keep it positive and upbeat....I'm going to fulfil my dream of writing!
Off to start my Masters!I know the learning curve at university is going to be huge! I'm very keen to do a Phd but I definitely need to master some writing skills this coming year before I take that leap too!
Life feels so good!
September Blog
September!
You’re here!
This is the month I promise myself to ALWAYS step into my reality and show up for myself and my family every day.
Morning pages will be a part of my ritual. Writing at least 750words every day. Getting my muse it’s daily freedom to just flow.
Excited for my writing degree in three short weeks.
Pens a-ready. Let’s finally do this life I’m designed for.
Morning pages begins with my penShort Fiction:
She Couldn't Forget
Her day was exhausting.
Something about it brought her memories back in a short heartbeat. She couldn't forget. Yet she had no idea of the triggers within her mind. Something would periodically remind her of the time he made her feel so special.
Had she ever felt this special? She wasn't sure. Probably, but it was in such a different way. Never like this. Never. Their feelings remained private to them. At least that's the conclusion she drew. No lines were crossed, no words were spoken. Purely it was a feeling. To use the description of electricity didn't feel right. It was more spiritual than electric. Something connected them she felt.
Without the spoken words between them, the giggle or even a miniature semi-flirt, all she could use was that feeling. Considering neither of them gave anything away to either, it would remain questionable.
After those weeks where she hadn't seen him, she sensed her feelings had settled and she was stronger. She no longer pined after what might have been between them. So she thought....
Seeing him again just cemented what she suspected. He felt it too. His eyes were fixated on the back of her as she quickly turned back and caught his eyes looking at her. He held her gaze just long enough. She knew in that instant she was right. Her inner sense nodded with a 'yep, that was definitely a thing' and she could relax from here knowing that while there would be no ending to this love story, someone so amazing wanted her.
Telling her friend for the very first time, she began her text with , "If I've got this right, it will be the best thing I could have ever imagined." Now she knew she was right. Yet living without him had its nice parts. Knowing it will never be spoilt. Never will there be arguments between them or the tangled morning hair. Everything could remain just perfect as it was.
Driving home from her exhausting day, with no prior warning, her mind decided to remember him. She was transported back to those feelings once again with such certainty. While the heating was adjusted in the car, her voice called out to her phone to instruct it to play the music she had saved on her phone to remind her of him. Of course it wouldn't be love she was feeling. Something better perhaps.
Listening to the music transported her to a time and place which would go down in her history and definitely remain as a rocking chair moment. He would be forever perfect in her eyes. Just for tonight, she would allow herself the indulgence of wondering how he was getting on during this dark evening. Was he working? What was he wearing? Did he smell as wonderful as always? This rainy, cold night was so filled with a swollen heart for the love she never had but would be blessed with in her memory for eternity.
Dark Black Clouds lead to creative tales online
A fairly significant investment happened today and a very long story accompanied the reason for this purchase.
You see, after several super busy days (which were all also amazingly awesome to be honest) came a very deep and large crash. Working at the university is coming to an end in just a couple of short weeks time and I will be sad to leave the role I have enjoyed as a senior student ambassador. This also included some social media management for the accessibility ambassadors team which I LOVED. This is a digression of this story and unnecessary but I am painting the picture that I was so happy to be working so hard around the universities.
We shared hugs and handshakes as it is freshers week after all. Networking but in a way which was more like catching up with friends. I love this.
Starting university as a post graduate student was so exciting on Saturday and the people I met were more than amazing. Like minded, heart centered and creative. Just what the Dr ordered. However, this was also coupled with a lot of closer listening to new voices (I'm half deaf and it takes me a while to tune in to new surroundings, voices and people) which I'm told by the ENT professors is exhausting.
As well as this we walked at speed (and then walked some more) around the city. A beautiful, walled city with plenty to see to make you smile, yet on this day there was much to achieve and it was also raining. Several of us were curly hair girls and I didn't feel 'on ceremony' about the wet/frizzy hair situation. But I'm not a fan of walking in rain. Cold, yes, snow, yes. Anything but rain.
An enjoyable day was had but I'd not slept properly for 3 nights which is most unlike me. Lots of places hurt in my body. Sunday was a day in bed. Feeling quite grumpy, in lots of pain and rather exhausted. My mind was saying 'be dynamic!' and my body was saying, 'rest!'. The body WON.
Monday came and I undertook work of old which still helps pay the bills, I love and always enjoy catching up with my clients. They are ALL incredible. Then it was on to choir. And here stops the row of awesomeness.
My familiar black cloud started rolling in.....what?? Who was I kidding? I shook this off as best I could, knowing that all I had seen this summer were white fluffy clouds that breezed by without ruffling feathers...
Black clouds? No.
Nothing swept them away.
Crying is pointless but unstoppable.
All I could do was cry. And reach out to friends who would be helpful and keep me safe during this fleeting dark moment. I was confused. I thought this had all gone. Summer time was so kind to me. Summer saw brighter days in every respect.The following morning was accompanied by a terrible headache and a need to eat rubbish. Which is something my body doesn't like as I have all those GUT issues. Ugh. I'm supposed to be starch free for the Ankylosing Spondylitis. But I took the day to wallow a bit and call on those who love me enough to care. A handful of incredible people who help me feel better - including my fluffy ball of loveliness.
Choices were made for me in the past already But now it was time to face up to them. I was needing to admit there are certain parts of life that I struggle with. And my work would need to get online and be successful online, knowing that many writer types deal with this is oddly reassuring. Which is likely why we are writers.
My business needs to be totally online. I know. Denying it would be daft.
Inspiration from the darkness
Onwards now. Time to be the very best I can be. The best creator, coach, helper to others who need to know the stories of life in order for them to be inspired enough to become the best them.Colours a plenty, the fonts will be more than original in my own handwriting, enough to be my specific brand.
Blogs and tales of whatever fills my head that day, accompanied by pretty photos and moments created by the new range of Apple products I have in order to help me create despite my challenges, in spite of them. Guided? Yes, i believe I have been guided. All the tools are in place to step into the reality of being the creator and story teller I was keen to be as a child and yet only now chose to pursue.
Writing in this office is actually the beach
These mornings in the office are the best.
Loving my best life.
Getting FANTASTIC feedback from my magazine submissions created here in this space.
Clarity is coming to me thick and fast. The romance flowing through the keyboard into stories for others to relate 💕
- moments of literal blue sky thinking helping me find lost words. Watching waves, seeing pine cones above move in the breeze. Passers by stopping to chat, knowing they have seen me online. The clarity of manifested dreams becoming reality is an emotional ride 🙏🏻
Flash Fiction
"Hurt"
Hurt
Her chest literally hurt. Like physically.
She hadn’t eaten all day long and tried hard to stuff some goulash down her throat. It simply wasn’t digesting. Another gulp of drink. A quick reply to a text message. Her girlfriends were concerned. They knew how much it had taken her to let those barriers down. Now look. Heart in tatters.
She definitely didn’t plan this. Not heartbreak; not again. She knew it wasn’t even that. Heartbreak would be the wrong word.
Fun. This is what she was ready for. Something respectful and light.
But two people who are checking on each other from day to day, knowing within them they had a spark and memories already created and more to be made. Of the very best kind.
They had it and she knew it. Perhaps he did too which is why it was getting too much for him.
‘Talk, damnit.’ She whispered to her phone. Why didn’t he just talk to her?
Perhaps they could have laid down boundaries they were both happy with and comfortable. This had the potential to be something amazing. She felt it and suspected he did too. Was that why he had run? Figuring out the reason for his silence was something she was driving herself crazy with. She knew she didn’t deserve this. Exactly the reason she had no option but to block him from her phone. Would her mental health bounce off another day of silence? She doubted it.
The bad girls seem to not be subject to this treatment. She knew through observation. She didn’t want or need a knight in shining armour. She wanted some time. Arms around her to help her feel like it was her turn to be number one for a change. She was always at least 4th in line. She wanted that wide eyed girl smile which lights up her aura. Laughs and touches. Moments of just gazing at each other. Such incredible promises of just what she needed. There she sat in her candlelight trying to eat through these chest pains.
Of course she knew how strong she had been before and would be again. She could do this 100%. But she wanted him. It was fitting nicely and it felt so good.
Her mind had pictured their cute moments over and over and perfect would be the best description.
Despite all the girlfriends and even some guys telling her permanently that she was amazing, a great catch for anyone, beautiful, intelligent, fun….she still failed to understand why once the chase was over they lost interest. She was both sad and thankful she hadn’t given herself to him.
The dinner in its white bowl ended up on the floor for the dog to eat. Nothing was digesting past that swollen heart. Applying her lipstick, she noticed she needed to fluff her ponytail.
There were clients to fix who were arriving soon.
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Should i keep the pen name?
To be honest, I'm not sure if running this site makes sense. A pen name is great in theory and yes, it does stop any confusion of what exactly I'm aiming to achieve under both this name and my non-fiction name.
Yet, www.louiseusher.co.uk has been around for ten years now and I do wonder if it's just more straight forward to post everything on there than a dozen different niche websites. With around 10,000 visits per month, the blog is definitely popular with its readers.
Keeping this page here might be a nice idea to dip in and out of but without the commitment that I have over on my other blog which is the money spinner. Let's face it, working online is a total blessing and the dream come true, yet it's a business and needs to be faced as one too.
Why should you keep a pen name?
If you write in two totally different genres and it would be inappropriate to combine them, you need a pseudonym! For instance, Erotica and childrens books would need a disassociation for sure.My background of Biochemistry and Human nutrition seemed not to fit so well on this blog but rather my regular blog. Although I am beginning to see no reason why the audience might not want some nutrition woven through as well as an actual life story. It confusing to know the right thing to do, I know. Although once you make a decision and laser focus on it, magic begins to happen.
Do I just leave this website here and continue?...I'm not sure. It's time to have a look around at other blogs and see what other people are doing.
Coffee, writing and Shihtzu - the way most days beginFaraday is no more
You heard me right. This website will be going soon!
I took a decision to begin writing both fiction and non fiction under my name of Louise Usher. You can see why in this blog post here.
Seems that I just can't stop my fingers flying over this keyboard regardless of genre or name. The science stuff still calls my brain but these stories just simply need to be told and there is no time like the present.
Please head over to the other blog and follow along over there. I will republish the stories from here and then sometime soon this website will come down. My instagram has changed too! In for a penny, in for a pound.
