Journalling lifes ups and downs #najowrimo

31^st July – the end of Najowrimo for this time.

As we head towards the end of this Najowrimo I can’t tell you of a time I ever felt more of a rollercoaster journey in my entire life. It’s more up and down than ever with stomach churning bumps along the way. 

Feeling more lost than ever before.  Confused and lost.

Personal life challenges are popping up in ways I had not envisaged.  Friends are, I feel, dropping off along the way as I complain consiousnessly.  They don’t reach out the same.  Is it me? Or them? Or the summer holidays perhaps. 

The questions I ask myself are these.

What is the job I should be doing?

Now, I know this answer, heck I coach people with the answer.  Yet here I sit wondering if I should still be chasing my tail around an NHS hospital helping others with their health when mine fails me enough to know this job can’t quite be achieved.

Should I be looking for love?

I’m guessing not.  If it’s to be found, it will find me I guess.

How long will my mum be with us on this earth?

Why do I question that? I should live every day with her as if it were her last.  Embracing her crazy ways,  listening to her famous laugh enough to store it in my memory forever. Then of course comes the mental funeral planning.  With this I have on occasions questioned my own mortality.

Will I be well enough to dance again?

My toes still tap.  But I miss dance.  Can’t speak any more about this.

Where did the girl go who I was?

Great question. I don’t know the answer.  Do we evolve so much in one lifetime that we lose our old selves?  Or can people do this to us?  If we allow them to, does this mean we can revert back to who we were? 

I was searching for more questions right then as I sit here in the coffee shop early on this drizzly morning.  Cyndi Lauper starts the music at 9am as the shops begin to open. 

Time after time.  

“If you’re lost you can look and you will find me.  Time after time.”

I could cry again. 

This crazy stupid thing called life is also so wonderful.  The lessons I have learned on my law of attraction journey show me that part of this journey is the ups and downs, otherwise everything seems grey, beige, vanilla…we get used to the stuff being good rather than when it’s good punching the air and shouting YESSSSS with that amazing belly feeling which leaves you smiling and excited.  But those downs can be a little meh.  Even the big guys, those real true gurus I watch go through it.  None of us humans are perfect. This we know to be true. 

Going through life, creating memories and sharing stories of things that happened in the past over a coffee or a wine (or even a pepsi max) is what I guess it’s all about.  Creating those memories and storing them is a must in my opinion.  Which is why I love to blog, vlog, take photos and journal.  Try it? 

Many things still remain a mystery to me.  Maybe I’m considered young.  There must still be lessons to be learned.  We all feel so often that we are fumbling through life just bumbling along but perhaps that’s the point.  What we must learn is to embrace the good and the bad.  My tears flow today still since the emotions of yesterdays funeral and listening to the amazing Euilogy.  My father in law fought in the war.  They offered him the union jack on the coffin and the last post to be played.  Thank god they declined.  The emotions of that to honour him would have been amazing but perhaps too much. 

My point here is my tears are flowing silently and I can’t stop them, just in the same way you sometimes can’t stop belly laughing even if you try.  These emotions just happen. 

Go with it. 

Create moments to relive in the rocking chair days of your life.

Lost

Lost.  Feeling lost.  

Wanting so much yet never having what I need in my physical body to enable this life.

Wanting to write, to read, to edit more.  Yet I awake and I want to sleep more.  My tummy rumbles in a C flat.  Why oh why can’t I shake all this?  Why isn't my house cleaner, my course easier, my mums house just packing itself up all by itself without the need of help from me?

Accounts need doing today. If I don’t get those done, there will be a consequence.  

Finding the perfect idealistic income opportunity, talking to mum about this seems tricky.  She doesn’t understand. 

Aiming to be off the anti depressant pills by September, I’m just not sure where I begin to stop those.  it’s a frightening feeling.  

Days go fast and less gets done.

Reading a book of journal entries, I know I simply want to get journal entries out of my head and onto paper.  Does this sound like a book idea?  

Writing, my saviour.

If only this would generate the income for help within the home.  Even making phone calls I need to make feels like an effort.  Everything feels like an effort.  Is it? Or am I lazy?  I didn't used to be. I used to work 90 odd hours a week.  Yet I ate at work,  did little to no housework (we were never there) and somehow life seemed to simply just work for me.  

Where is my energy?

Not in the bottom of  a coffee cup I know. I tried this one.  Doesn’t work.

My blood sugars are going silly. I hate that.  I need to get into Ketosis again.  Yet fathers day looms and there must be a meal for sure.  Will this meal have potatoes?

Gosh, none of this scramble head coming out on paper makes me look remotely normal. I know this for sure.  

I feel unwell.  I think I am unwell.  Even though I have tried the law of attraction for health.  

Crohns.  Being fed rice from 3 days old.  All my body struggles.  My poor body.

They are trying me on peppermint oil supplements.  After the gynae dr asked “What parts would you like me to remove for you?” And I looked stunned.

I knew where the future was heading.  Now I’m not so sure.

For now, I will sleep some more I feel.

January is coming - get Motiv-weighted!

Hey folks,  can I share something with you?

As you know by now,  I've had lots of nutrition and weight loss training.  Now,  in case you missed my other posts,  I do have a new website called Motiv-weight. It's a little different to this one and I guess kind of more formal.

The idea is,  with my Law of attraction training and the weight loss training,  I'll couple the two together and help folks to lose weight.  So,  over there it's getting quite a few hits.  I love this place too and will still be coming here for loads of personal stuff.  I'll share you my first few posts though to help me get it going.

Here's the exciting news,  in January I will be opening up my private coaching for weight  loss but online! This means we can either chat over things on the internet or you can keep costs lower than a weekly coffee and come over to my private group and all encourage each other anonymously! Fab way to meet new friends and I've a few secrets up my sleeve to keep you motivated.  So please so me a big favour and share this blog post with your social networks and I would love to help as many people as possible with this. Thank you so much. 

Here's the post:

 I am so happy to see you here,  reading this post.

Louise here,  founder of Motiv-weight.  If you have read the 'about' sections on this blog you will find that I have had quite a journey too.  It's my intention to gently but firmly take you by the hand and help guide you on your way to health using food and nutrition.

With a love of blogging and a love of all things nutrition related,  it will be my pleasure to bring you lots of free tips and tricks to help you on your way.

Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to get well?

If you have a belief that food could be your answer then I'm here to tell you YOU are RIGHT! I am living proof of that and I have helped many many people on their way too.  I'd love it if you would subscribe to this website so we can keep you up to date with lots of things.  Such as:

The latest diets.

Health information

Nutrition

IBS,  IBD, and other digestive issues

Adrenal Fatigue

Candida problems

Most of all,  motivation.

You know what,  in my next blog post I am going to share with you a story of a lady who came to me with a firm idea that she could never lose weight.  By using the power of her mind,  we changed all that.

Subscribe to see if this is something you could do too.  I'm looking forward to taking you on a journey through blogs, blogs on Youtube and through my VIP Client site and of course the one to one coaching for the limited few.

I'd encourage your questions right here and now.  If you would like to make them anonymously please click the social media icons to find me and post me your questions there.  If you never thought there was an answer and you are at your wits end then please come on over and lets hold hands and find the way!

Much love

Louise

xoxoxo