My book cover will be ready today!

Exciting news today in my Publishing house! 📖
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The book cover design will be completed today! 📚
My hairy editor friend and I (anyone else needing a hair cut or just Harley?) have been working since dawn to figure what’s next. We want you all to know about this book and how exciting it’s going to be!
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Maybe I’ll do a few videos on stories and some lives to give you some more info and see if it’s for you! Suggestions and questions welcome. 🖊🤍📖

I’m now a barista

Ok so yes I miss the coffee shops. Do you?
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I can’t lie, I love packing up my mint green rucksack with
•pencil cases ✏️
•laptop 👩‍💻
•chargers 🔌
•earphones 🎧
•journal 📖
•notebook 📚
•purse 👛
•glasses 👓
And getting in the car with the music up loud, driving to the coffee shop in the sunshine. Dancing in the seat, tapping the steering wheel, making those other drivers smile with your contagiously happy mood.
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Oh, happy day.
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But we can’t.
And that’s ok.
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We have all adjusted, shifted things. Loads of comments like this are being written about life changing. It’s so different.
🖊🤍📖
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We will look back on this time and say, “do you remember when...?”
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Fondly probably. Thoughts of the times when we had time to make coffee at home, how much money we saved, we could work in the laptop with messy hair, last nights mascara still trying to escape, wearing comfy clothes and a snoring shihtzu next to us.
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The clock ticks in my living room just now and I’ve decided to make another cuppa then get to my exciting edits. This is nice.
But, @starbucksuk you’re perfectly safe.
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We can live without certain things. It won’t stop us missing them, wanting them, remembering ‘times when...’ and that’s perfectly okay.
Isn’t it?

Walking without a watch #amwriting

📖An excerpt from the upcoming book, CoronaVirus - how it made us feel.

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💕Taking the dog on a walk and just letting our legs take us as far as we wish to go is wonderful.

🙏🏻something precious about being able to just be free at these times. Yet still being afraid of the virus, and of the future.

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📖🤍🖊 Just for today, we edit. Focused and moving forward one day at a time with love and gratitude.

Signs that autumn is here

October 30th already - gosh - and today it was plain to see that autumn is here.

The cool air in the morning and the dewy tops of the cars starting out their day were a sight to see in their glistening beauty as I snuggled into my warming car seat to drive to the coast.

Today was a brand new start on my writer journey as I travelled to the Kentish coastal town of Deal to begin a writing course with the plan to hone my craft of writing a story arc more fluently.  As one of my very best friends lives in Deal, we decided to use this opportunity to get ourselves together for a fabulous catch up!

Coffee and Walnut gluten free cake (made me smile..)

....Julie made me laugh, as always

I do love a classic. This Triumph made it look like we had gone back in time

Officially Autumn

End of day writing session

Blog posts from Faraday Wren (pen name)

Yesterday saw me register with my new University to begin the work on my MA for Creative Writing (non fiction).  Of course there will be fiction!  Of course! I'm excited to escape into the world of my characters and falling in love with each other and finding the twists and turns they might endure in their lives.   Bless them!

Why am I changing universities?

To be honest I very much expect if there had been an option to continue my studies at my current university I would have done but
1. this course wasn't offered there and
2. the people I have met at my new Uni seem totally up my street, heart led and just beautiful.
More than anything this is what I need in my life right now.  Gentleness and kindness.
Life feels different right now and very good! Which is crazy and odd as I honestly should be depressed and worried! The reason? I had a new shock diagnosis to go hand in hand with my crohns.  You see crohns is an inflammatory disease of the digestive tract and now it seems I'm also inflamed in my joints as there is this "Ankylosing Spondylitis" too.  So for me, learning to dictate my writing will be incredible and I'm very excited to step into the future that lies before me by living my total best life.
Wondering if I'm right about the knowledge I have about the gut and brain links, I know that since I have changed my diet to one of low starch, (only 7 days ago on the advice of the medics) I feel better in my brain.  Hard to explain but I definitely do.  Those pesky opportunistic bacteria (called Klebsiella in my case) are packing their little suitcases for migration and I guess that might have something to do with my gut health improving.  Whatever the reason and cause, I don't actually mind - so long as I am feeling good on it and motivated and looking better (4lbs down already!) then I'm not going to debate this whole thing.  I got this.

Sadly, it has taken such extreme measures for me to finally make the changes I need in my life to be the person I want to be but lets keep it positive and upbeat....I'm going to fulfil my dream of writing!

Off to start my Masters!

I know the learning curve at university is going to be huge! I'm very keen to do a Phd but I definitely need to master some writing skills this coming year before I take that leap too!

Life feels so good!

September Blog


September!



You’re here!
This is the month I promise myself to ALWAYS step into my reality and show up for myself and my family every day.
Morning pages will be a part of my ritual.  Writing at least 750words every day.  Getting my muse it’s daily freedom to just flow.
Excited for my writing degree in three short weeks.
Pens a-ready.  Let’s finally do this life I’m designed for.



Morning pages begins with my pen



Short Fiction:

She Couldn't Forget

Her day was exhausting.

Something about it brought her memories back in a short heartbeat.  She couldn't forget.  Yet she had no idea of the triggers within her mind.  Something would periodically remind her of the time he made her feel so special.
Had she ever felt this special?  She wasn't sure.  Probably, but it was in such a different way.  Never like this.  Never.  Their feelings remained private to them.  At least that's the conclusion she drew.  No lines were crossed, no words were spoken.  Purely it was a feeling.  To use the description of electricity didn't feel right. It was more spiritual than electric.  Something connected them she felt.

Without the spoken words between them, the giggle or even a miniature semi-flirt, all she could use was that feeling.  Considering neither of them gave anything away to either, it would remain questionable.

After those weeks where she hadn't seen him, she sensed her feelings had settled and she was stronger.  She no longer pined after what might have been between them. So she thought....
Seeing him again just cemented what she suspected.  He felt it too.  His eyes were fixated on the back of her as she quickly turned back and caught his eyes looking at her.  He held her gaze just long enough.  She knew in that instant she was right. Her inner sense nodded with a 'yep, that was definitely a thing' and she could relax from here knowing that while there would be no ending to this love story, someone so amazing wanted her.

Telling her friend for the very first time, she began her text with , "If I've got this right, it will be the best thing I could have ever imagined."  Now she knew she was right.  Yet living without him had its nice parts. Knowing it will never be spoilt.  Never will there be arguments between them or the tangled morning hair. Everything could remain just perfect as it was.

Driving home from her exhausting day, with no prior warning, her mind decided to remember him.  She was transported back to those feelings once again with such certainty.  While the heating was adjusted in the car, her voice called out to her phone to instruct it to play the music she had saved on her phone to remind her of him. Of course it wouldn't be love she was feeling.  Something better perhaps.
Listening to the music transported her to a time and place which would go down in her history and definitely remain as a rocking chair moment.  He would be forever perfect in her eyes.  Just for tonight, she would allow herself the indulgence of wondering how he was getting on during this dark evening.  Was he working?  What was he wearing? Did he smell as wonderful as always? This rainy, cold night was so filled with a swollen heart for the love she never had but would be blessed with in her memory for eternity.





Dark Black Clouds lead to creative tales online

A fairly significant investment happened today and a very long story accompanied the reason for this purchase.
You see, after several super busy days (which were all also amazingly awesome to be honest) came a very deep and large crash. Working at the university is coming to an end in just a couple of short weeks time and I will be sad to leave the role I have enjoyed as a senior student ambassador. This also included some social media management for the accessibility ambassadors team which I LOVED. This is a digression of this story and unnecessary but I am painting the picture that I was so happy to be working so hard around the universities.
We shared hugs and handshakes as it is freshers week after all. Networking but in a way which was more like catching up with friends. I love this.
Starting university as a post graduate student was so exciting on Saturday and the people I met were more than amazing. Like minded, heart centered and creative. Just what the Dr ordered. However, this was also coupled with a lot of closer listening to new voices (I'm half deaf and it takes me a while to tune in to new surroundings, voices and people) which I'm told by the ENT professors is exhausting.
As well as this we walked at speed (and then walked some more) around the city. A beautiful, walled city with plenty to see to make you smile, yet on this day there was much to achieve and it was also raining. Several of us were curly hair girls and I didn't feel 'on ceremony' about the wet/frizzy hair situation. But I'm not a fan of walking in rain. Cold, yes, snow, yes. Anything but rain.
An enjoyable day was had but I'd not slept properly for 3 nights which is most unlike me. Lots of places hurt in my body. Sunday was a day in bed. Feeling quite grumpy, in lots of pain and rather exhausted. My mind was saying 'be dynamic!' and my body was saying, 'rest!'. The body WON.
Monday came and I undertook work of old which still helps pay the bills, I love and always enjoy catching up with my clients. They are ALL incredible. Then it was on to choir. And here stops the row of awesomeness.
My familiar black cloud started rolling in.....what?? Who was I kidding? I shook this off as best I could, knowing that all I had seen this summer were white fluffy clouds that breezed by without ruffling feathers...
Black clouds? No.
Nothing swept them away.

Crying is pointless but unstoppable.

All I could do was cry. And reach out to friends who would be helpful and keep me safe during this fleeting dark moment. I was confused. I thought this had all gone. Summer time was so kind to me. Summer saw brighter days in every respect.
The following morning was accompanied by a terrible headache and a need to eat rubbish. Which is something my body doesn't like as I have all those GUT issues. Ugh. I'm supposed to be starch free for the Ankylosing Spondylitis. But I took the day to wallow a bit and call on those who love me enough to care. A handful of incredible people who help me feel better - including my fluffy ball of loveliness.
Choices were made for me in the past already But now it was time to face up to them. I was needing to admit there are certain parts of life that I struggle with. And my work would need to get online and be successful online, knowing that many writer types deal with this is oddly reassuring. Which is likely why we are writers.
My business needs to be totally online. I know. Denying it would be daft.

Inspiration from the darkness

Onwards now. Time to be the very best I can be. The best creator, coach, helper to others who need to know the stories of life in order for them to be inspired enough to become the best them.

Colours a plenty, the fonts will be more than original in my own handwriting, enough to be my specific brand.
Blogs and tales of whatever fills my head that day, accompanied by pretty photos and moments created by the new range of Apple products I have in order to help me create despite my challenges, in spite of them. Guided? Yes, i believe I have been guided. All the tools are in place to step into the reality of being the creator and story teller I was keen to be as a child and yet only now chose to pursue.





Writing in this office is actually the beach 

These mornings in the office are the best.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Loving my best life.

 

 

 

 

 

Getting FANTASTIC feedback from my magazine submissions created here in this space.

Clarity is coming to me thick and fast. The romance flowing through the keyboard into stories for others to relate 💕

 

- moments of literal blue sky thinking helping me find lost words. Watching waves, seeing pine cones above move in the breeze. Passers by stopping to chat, knowing they have seen me online. The clarity of manifested dreams becoming reality is an emotional ride 🙏🏻

Flash Fiction

"Hurt"

Hurt

 

Her chest literally hurt. Like physically.
She hadn’t eaten all day long and tried hard to stuff some goulash down her throat. It simply wasn’t digesting. Another gulp of drink. A quick reply to a text message. Her girlfriends were concerned. They knew how much it had taken her to let those barriers down. Now look. Heart in tatters.
She definitely didn’t plan this. Not heartbreak; not again. She knew it wasn’t even that. Heartbreak would be the wrong word.
Fun. This is what she was ready for. Something respectful and light.
But two people who are checking on each other from day to day, knowing within them they had a spark and memories already created and more to be made. Of the very best kind.
They had it and she knew it. Perhaps he did too which is why it was getting too much for him.
‘Talk, damnit.’ She whispered to her phone. Why didn’t he just talk to her?
Perhaps they could have laid down boundaries they were both happy with and comfortable. This had the potential to be something amazing. She felt it and suspected he did too. Was that why he had run? Figuring out the reason for his silence was something she was driving herself crazy with. She knew she didn’t deserve this. Exactly the reason she had no option but to block him from her phone. Would her mental health bounce off another day of silence? She doubted it.
The bad girls seem to not be subject to this treatment. She knew through observation. She didn’t want or need a knight in shining armour. She wanted some time. Arms around her to help her feel like it was her turn to be number one for a change. She was always at least 4th in line. She wanted that wide eyed girl smile which lights up her aura. Laughs and touches. Moments of just gazing at each other. Such incredible promises of just what she needed. There she sat in her candlelight trying to eat through these chest pains.
Of course she knew how strong she had been before and would be again. She could do this 100%. But she wanted him. It was fitting nicely and it felt so good.
Her mind had pictured their cute moments over and over and perfect would be the best description.
Despite all the girlfriends and even some guys telling her permanently that she was amazing, a great catch for anyone, beautiful, intelligent, fun….she still failed to understand why once the chase was over they lost interest. She was both sad and thankful she hadn’t given herself to him.
The dinner in its white bowl ended up on the floor for the dog to eat. Nothing was digesting past that swollen heart. Applying her lipstick, she noticed she needed to fluff her ponytail.
There were clients to fix who were arriving soon.


**********************************



Should i keep the pen name?
To be honest, I'm not sure if running this site makes sense.  A pen name is great in theory and yes, it does stop any confusion of what exactly I'm aiming to achieve under both this name and my non-fiction name.

Yet, www.louiseusher.co.uk has been around for ten years now and I do wonder if it's just more straight forward to post everything on there than a dozen different niche websites. With around 10,000 visits per month, the blog is definitely popular with its readers.
Keeping this page here might be a nice idea to dip in and out of but without the commitment that I have over on my other blog which is the money spinner.  Let's face it, working online is a total blessing and the dream come true, yet it's a business and needs to be faced as one too.

 

Why should you keep a pen name?

If you write in two totally different genres and it would be inappropriate to combine them, you need a pseudonym! For instance, Erotica and childrens books would need a disassociation for sure.
My background of Biochemistry and Human nutrition seemed not to fit so well on this blog but rather my regular blog.  Although I am beginning to see no reason why the audience might not want some nutrition woven through as well as an actual life story. It confusing to know the right thing to do, I know.  Although once you make a decision and laser focus on it, magic begins to happen.

Do I just leave this website here and continue?...I'm not sure. It's time to have a look around at other blogs and see what other people are doing.

Coffee, writing and Shihtzu - the way most days begin

Faraday is no more

You heard me right. This website will be going soon!

I took a decision to begin writing both fiction and non fiction under my name of Louise Usher. You can see why in this blog post here.
Seems that I just can't stop my fingers flying over this keyboard regardless of genre or name.  The science stuff still calls my brain but these stories just simply need to be told and there is no time like the present.

Please head over to the other blog and follow along over there. I will republish the stories from here and then sometime soon this website will come down.  My instagram has changed too! In for a penny, in for a pound.

This is where I need your help!

Good morning all.  

I need your help.

If you are a regular reader of this blog you will know there have been many twists and turns in life for me lately and I am very clear where my online life and working career are heading now which is brilliant! This type of clarity is something I have mediated on over and over and I'm chuffed beyond words that I am now clear!

How can you help me?

Recently I put a post out on Facebook which is not my favourite platform and asked what people want to see from me and there was a definite split.

So, the dream is to write full time which is what I now do.  However, I wasn't sure if most of this would be from writing romance (which I am going to do under a pen name which won't be a secret but it will keep my SEO and Google tidier) or from my lifestyle and nutrition research.  As myself (and the Lusher life brand) it's all about making life better and living the dream.  Which for me as an individual means writing those love stories.  

So what do you prefer?  Do you get much value from the blogs which are helping you with health and lifestyle?  Or are you more likely to want to hear about my writing journey and read the romance novels?  Would you be kind and drop me a quick line to let me know?  You can do it here through my email.

Do you want to work online?

Currently I am doing a lot of research on how I can best answer the question I am asked most often,

"How can I create my dream life and work online?"

As I make no secret about this being the perfect answer for me while dealing with family things and my own daily consideration of Crohns disease.  Yet I'm not going to pretend it's easy but I think I may have found the ideal course to show you how to do it. Is this something you might be interested  in hearing more about?  I'd love you to let me know your dreams and wishes. You can either comment on this video or send me an email.

Let's do this thing called life?!!!

Much love

Louise xoxo

Camp NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow - this is how I'm feeling

The last day of June means July 1st Tomorrow and the start of Camp NaNoWriMo! I'm excited to give myself a target to reach and also a little nervous as I do have some trips booked and an entire host of video editing to do for my Youtube channel before that.  I promised myself this would be done before I was shooting off to the airport.  So what is stopping me from being on top of my game?  Shall I tell you?  This is quite a vunerable thing to share...

Since finishing university my body has been over run with different infections and the fatigue has been so consuming that to plan a journey past a half hour drive has at times felt impossible. These grumbles also seem to go hand in hand with terrible mental health issues for me which is something I would gladly wave a magic wand at and get over it.  If you have even remotely suffered depression or anxiety you will understand this feeling. You can't control it no matter how you try.  For me, I have learnt through my science degree that 90% of the serotonin we make comes from the gut and with my issues of inflammatory bowel disease I am pretty sure my gut could be in better shape than currently.  Sure I'm taking my probiotics and they definitely do help.  So I'm giving in and sleeping lots and I suspect right now it would be a good time to try as best I can to surround myself with those people I love and trust to be sweet and lovely to me. Petting my furry baby Harley always helps and you know how they just love you so unconditionally in a way we all know humans could learn from. 
Trying to eat as little as possible to give my digestive system a break is something that's recommended when you have crohns. So I'm trying that.  But when you are a true 'foodie' it's hard.  Another reason to feel blue.  Sugar is the enemy when you have gut issues and bacteria love to thrive on the white stuff so I'm trying to cut that out as best I can...sigh....anyhow I have really digressed there.

Sometimes these issues with the brain definitely help to keep me on track.  Let me try and explain. You see I have started to converse over on twitter with many writer types and often you will find people who love to write may sometimes love being on their own typing away with their own words.  Sometimes with a mind rather like mine.  Anxious or over thinkers. Some days 'we' have no choice but to be at home with our words.  Yet I can't tell you how long I have given myself a hard time for trying to live the dream.  Strange really that my playlist has just played 'A million Dreams' from The Greatest Showman!

A dilemma i have is this: I've been offered a wonderful (but likely very stressful) research project.  There is money attached and a wonderful chance to make a difference in the world of diabetes.  I'm tempted and it will be a great challenge.  Yet am I up to it?  Can I do it without crumbling?  You see I sense being stuck between a rock and hard place is something that I must recognise where I am.  While loving the life of trying to get back to more writing/editing and working on my health at the gym, including walking the dog and all these other things that see me smiling it doesn't feel like work.

Which leaves me doubting the acceptability of doing it as a job....which is exactly what I teach others they must do....to follow those dreams.

NaNoWriMo will see me committing to 30,000 words which is 1000 a day and I'm going to start working back on the book I have left alone for about 4 years now. It's called Happiness in vitro and I'm super excited to get this one published but I want to get that first draught under my belt and work super hard on perfecting it.  By the end of July we hope I have achieved what I need to achieve in my writing.  I do love it.  I promise I will aim to keep posting on this blog too as I simply love blogging. I have more blogs than is normal for a person!  Without sounding too crazy, I simply feel like 'me' when I'm writing.  

Something I can't deny.

I'm a full time author!

Flip flops casually dangling off my two fingers, I walked barefoot in the sand.  Happy.  This was a happy and content feeling. My blonde beach curls were becoming more ruffled with the wind as I shook them from within the close view of my pupils.  Today was a good day.  

After avoiding the sun all week and instead preparing for this day with much writing and inside-type stuff, I was happy to watch the cloudless blue skies from the window as I knew today was the day I had 'Beach with Jasmine' written in my diary.  Expecting to need suncream, it was a ridiculous thought to pack my hoodie in the bag along with the towels we would use to lay on the sand after noon when the sun was due to shine.  Noon onwards.  However, the clouds kept moving fast with glimpses of sun in between.  Right after we had finished filming we popped into the old fashioned cafe and had a hot drink.  This still was a good day.

In my mind, I wandered.  Not thinking too much about what I was going to say in the voiceover.  You see, I'd planned in my mind to sit on the beach (we even took the tripod with us) and talk to the camera; yet I knew the wind would just howl down the microphone, even with the fluffy bit attached.  So those words could come later I decided.  Right after I write this passage in fact.  
My candle holding Buddha is lit and I am going to take some time to flow.  There is news you see. Big news.

Maybe not so much to you but definitely for me. It seems I may be the last to know. 

After lots of soul searching and a huge journey full of stress, twists and turns and not allowing myself to be ill or healthy for that matter, I have arrived at a destination.

Growing up, I was taught that toil, stress and misery is what working is all about.  At the age of 14 my wonderful Aunt invited me to think about doing a job I would love.  Leaving me totally perplexed, I began to wonder what I loved.  Settling on the idea of doing something with food (I was a straight A in my Food and Nutrition subject) I looked into several avenues there.  Ending up at college training to be a chef.  A long story follows that but suffice to say I still had the notion that work was something to be suffered.  I loved my job with a total passion but I think perhaps did some damage to myself after working 70-90 hours a week for 15 years.  Seldom a day off.  
Yet, work was going well, I was achieving.

Fast forward to today.  I'm trying hard (it's an effort) to believe that the one dream I really have might in fact be able to be my job.  

After lots of brain training to the contrary, I am now stepping into the brave place of telling you I am now embracing being a full time writer! 
There, I said it.  
Out loud and to the world.  

Since I was little I have loved all sorts of writing. 
Letter writing
script writing 
story writing, even poems.  
It's one of those things I simply can't get enough of.  People have told me I have a talent.

Blogging

When blogging became a thing I was excited.  I started blogging years ago and we were told not to make it an online diary but rather to train people in something.  So I set about doing that and managed to create myself a successful blog with around 9000 readers per month which isn't record breaking but for me, it's wonderful.  Now though, I sense blogging is doing a 360 and people love hearing about memoir. 
Publishing on Amazon was another brave decision and I have some books out there now, one of them is even a little bit of fiction. I loved writing that too, seeing where the protagonist took me in the story (I love how writers state that even though it always sounds so 'out there') and people seemed to love my story too.

My health struggles sometimes. Which is something I don't like to admit. I like to be an achiever.  Against the odds.  Although recently I have had to listen to the signs my body is giving me as there has literally been no alternative.  
Ending up wired up to machines in hospital with total fatigue consuming me, I decided to make today happen, the day at the beach; filming.  It was time to create this life I have dreamed of as well as hoped might actually be able to fulfil me.  I want to write full time.  

Going full time

I'm going to write full time. 

Of course the money bit scares me. Of course it would.  I have worked out a little bit of a plan to keep me going while I continue to grow my author platform and I have also created a patreon account for those who want to support me.  Those people will be able to see all the raw stuff I go through as it happens, warts and all.  But most importantly, I'm going to step into the life I have really wanted for all these years and call myself an author.  

Will I still be blogging?  Yes.
Will I still be hanging out over on instagram a lot?  Definitely.
What about keeping the Youtube channel going? More than ever.
What types of books will I write?  Mostly non-fiction with a little spice added (based on true stories).  Many about living life on purpose (A lusher Life). Many more will kind of be Romance novels. 
Am I excited?  Beyond belief.
Am I frightened?  So much.  Yet I'm more frightened of not doing it!

Right as the day was coming to a close at the beach, an email popped up inviting me to undertake an amazing medical research role. I'm very temped, still.  Yet I know with my beating heart that I simply must write.

It's a must.  I'd love your support. <3

Divine guidance

Basil Brush once more - manifestations

A quickie.  A crazy one!

Over on Instagram (love IG!) some conceited public post which was a little rude for my lady likeness was posted.   Immediately deciding to unfollow this random person ( I do follow all sorts and should check them out better first really!) I clicked on his profile.

The second I hovered my mouse to click 'unfollow' what did I notice?  A Basil Brush profile picture.  I'm looking at it grinning and moving my head from side to side in an 'uh-huh' kind of knowledge.  So, thank you once again to this divine reminder to keep me on track! If you have NO idea what I'm talking about, head back to the post that is actually going live in 20 minutes from me writing this (it will be live now - else this post definitely will make ZERO sense)

Boom! Boom!

|Christmas is almost here...what was I doing three, two and one year ago?

2014 saw my first Christmas at university.  Studying at London met, I used to enjoy the odd glass of wine as I was always travelling by train.

On this last day at uni of 2014, we went for drinks.  Then looking at expensive footwear! IT was funny. I remember it well.

2015 I began to realise I was taking a bit of a hit with my health.  Not up to doing too much about it at this stage, I hadn't realised we were entering a time where we would soon say goodbye to Dad after he enjoyed his last Christmas.

Then last year I was looking very blonde indeed.  And happy.  While Jasmine had got Glandular Fever, mum was unwell and I was less than enjoying my science at uni.  Clarity was beginning to hit me as I realised how exciting this was all becoming as more and more people ask me about becoming a blogger and youtuber.  So, I gave my advice on this video!

Of course I will be sharing more videos with you as I literally have just finished with my last client before Christmas but I really hope you have enjoyed these blasts from the past. I loved watching back over them! It reminds me of why I actually love making this stuff.  Looking back over the memories is incredible.  So for sure I will 100% be doing Vlogmas next year :)

Vlogmas day 9 from the past 3 years

Let's head back in time.

What was I doing 2 years ago? Graduating from my nutrition, health, physchology and chemistry diploma

Then last year, my lovely son decided to come on one of my videos at last.  He's not shy, just not keen to be involved in my vlogs where Jasmine is.  Of course I love them both so totally differently :)

Then, 3 years ago, just as today, we were scraping the ice off the cars as it was FREEZing....

This year? I'm mostly taking care of mum with  a little help from the blood pressure machines and stuff. 

Hence, very few videos here to show here that are of new quality.  For which I apologise but this lack of excitement is a good thing as it means I get to look after mum.

Lots of love, always

Louise xoxo

;

December 3,4,5th (?) #Vlogmas for the past 3 years

So I already lost track of what I am doing this Vlogmas so thank goodness I am not filming and editing Vlogmas for my Youtube channel.  Imagine?! I crave the day when I can VLOG and Blog to my hearts content. Will this happen next year at Christmas?  Could I possibly plan days of going out filming and finding things with amazing content to create beautiful cinematic videos to show you?

That depends so much on you guys enjoying what I'm sharing and you further sharing with your people too!
Many of you are asking me to share the secrets for making an online business and this will be coming next January for sure. Little snippets through the latter part of the winter and into spring then let's do lots more of that as we head into summer?  If that's something you would like to know more about please do come on down into the comments box and tell me. Knowing lots of you are shy philanthropists, of course I will respond to those inbox messages too! Let me know what you would like to see.  

So here are the videos I have brought out of the cupboard from dusty youtube to show you today.  I particularly love the one where we are at Greenwich watching the choir. I'm thinking back over that memory with great fondness.  We have tickets to go tonight too but mum isn't well enough and neither is she happy to be left so I'm here, working on a case study project, about to diagnose a small boy with iron deficiency anaemia.  

Can't wait to begin to focus on Christmas.

How is your Christmas going?

Out of my hands.

Out of my hands.

It’s been decided for me.

Plenty of times I have suspected there are moments of ‘oh, I should be doing this.’ or, ‘ah I think they are leading me here.’

Often, I don’t listen.

Tiny voices echo in my head, “write! Write!” and I feel it in my gut too.  I begin to write. I am filled with joy. I love it.

From deeper within another voice begins to whisper.

“You aren’t good enough.”

“You need to earn money.”

“You like stress.”

“You like rushing around.”

“You like routine.”

“You love doing your make up and rushing out the door.”

“You need a proper job.”

“You need a normal job.”

Driving my friends crazy, I look for reassurance.

“I love writing, what do you think I should do? Could I work online? Do you think it could be a success?”

They tell me, “YES!” Every time.

So I write.  

Something takes over and I read back what I have written, feeling as if it has generated a little magic.  My words; somehow with a twist of soul.  

Downstream with ease.  

The dream, this is the dream.

A whirlwind of practicalities and childhood programming interrupts my passions.  Imagine, as a child, growing up with no internet, jeez not even a mobile phone in sight.  A cordless phone was for the privileged few.  

Working online was something not even invented.

Being a writer meant getting a book deal from a publishing house (and they would be taking a huge chunk of your earnings).  No wonder this little voice of doubt hops in to throw me off my tracks.

Getting to it.  Working hard on the job that, yes, is the dream but still somehow is only explored mostly in the industry - working for others - towing the line and not questioning what the boss might say.

Being told you can only have time to yourself for 4 weeks of the year. After that, your life is theirs.

Don’t expect to put your healthy eating, exercise, taking care of your family first.  All of that comes after…

Dreams of taking my laptop to write (to some fireplace within the woods, looking out through windows filled with nature views) take a back seat.

Just as my pen and journal couldn’t consider visiting Bali for a couple of months, my Nikon will sit and gather dust rather than accompany my muse I write while touring California.  

Simplistic holidays in Mykonos creating videos for all to see on my vlog channel will all have to wait.

The dream might be on hold.

Synchronicity of my friends and my health shake me. 

No!

Take the dream off hold and listen!

“Louise you are a natural leader.”

“So many people find you inspiring.”

“You talk from the heart, raw and real.”

That’s the friends.

The health says nothing but does lots.  Crohns sees me unable to dash out of the door.  The make up does not cover my dark circles.  Fatigue puts me into bed.  Malabsorption contributes to mental health issues. 

Arthritis. Infection. Inflammation. Degenerative discs…the list is a long one.  

Refusing to give this focus, I continue with my stress filled life. Convincing myself it’s a buzz.

Convincing myself the dream life is plan B.  Only to be used in an emergency.  As this cannot possibly be the sensible option.

Today sees me back in hospital.  What looms next made me afraid.  From that fear the dream is once again born.  If life was shorter than I had hoped what would be my absolute must do?

Finish that book.  That IVF story I’m loving to write.  The one folks have been waiting to pre-order in, like, forever.

Spending time chatting to two very close friends tonight on Facebook messenger (while mis-typing through the drugs I have had to take) we figured out a few things.

Why do I doubt it when I have sold books already though my amazon page?

When over 9000 people visit my blog every month?

When 482,981 people have watched my Youtube channel? And it makes me money every month.

Why Stylehaul signed me up as a creator and pay me to create.

Collectively around 12,000 people follow me on social media channels…not a bad number and definitely a few good platforms.

Companies like Giorgio Armani, Musclefood, Abel and Cole sponsor me to experience their products. 

What am I questioning? 

Today, I fall in love with my Crohns.  Another curveball.  More clarity than ever.  Now there is no choice.  I must work from home.  I’m trying to be well. Hoping to be well.  Yet damage was done as young as I can remember and I can still live a healthy life and help myself as best I can.  However, I must refuse my gut the torture of those little  voices telling me to shy away from an amazing life that is clearly grabbing a hold of my chubby cheeks and telling me to do what I love. 

If you laugh at me that’s fine.  I have not followed my dream in case of that.  Yet my life deserves to be the best I can give it.   Those who don’t support my journey can stop following, reading, clicking.  Yet I am determined to live my best life and to give my best shot to working.  This work needs to respect my disease and fit in with my loving family, my wonderful life and the fabulous plans I have.

Who’s with me?

Journalling lifes ups and downs #najowrimo

31^st July – the end of Najowrimo for this time.

As we head towards the end of this Najowrimo I can’t tell you of a time I ever felt more of a rollercoaster journey in my entire life. It’s more up and down than ever with stomach churning bumps along the way. 

Feeling more lost than ever before.  Confused and lost.

Personal life challenges are popping up in ways I had not envisaged.  Friends are, I feel, dropping off along the way as I complain consiousnessly.  They don’t reach out the same.  Is it me? Or them? Or the summer holidays perhaps. 

The questions I ask myself are these.

What is the job I should be doing?

Now, I know this answer, heck I coach people with the answer.  Yet here I sit wondering if I should still be chasing my tail around an NHS hospital helping others with their health when mine fails me enough to know this job can’t quite be achieved.

Should I be looking for love?

I’m guessing not.  If it’s to be found, it will find me I guess.

How long will my mum be with us on this earth?

Why do I question that? I should live every day with her as if it were her last.  Embracing her crazy ways,  listening to her famous laugh enough to store it in my memory forever. Then of course comes the mental funeral planning.  With this I have on occasions questioned my own mortality.

Will I be well enough to dance again?

My toes still tap.  But I miss dance.  Can’t speak any more about this.

Where did the girl go who I was?

Great question. I don’t know the answer.  Do we evolve so much in one lifetime that we lose our old selves?  Or can people do this to us?  If we allow them to, does this mean we can revert back to who we were? 

I was searching for more questions right then as I sit here in the coffee shop early on this drizzly morning.  Cyndi Lauper starts the music at 9am as the shops begin to open. 

Time after time.  

“If you’re lost you can look and you will find me.  Time after time.”

I could cry again. 

This crazy stupid thing called life is also so wonderful.  The lessons I have learned on my law of attraction journey show me that part of this journey is the ups and downs, otherwise everything seems grey, beige, vanilla…we get used to the stuff being good rather than when it’s good punching the air and shouting YESSSSS with that amazing belly feeling which leaves you smiling and excited.  But those downs can be a little meh.  Even the big guys, those real true gurus I watch go through it.  None of us humans are perfect. This we know to be true. 

Going through life, creating memories and sharing stories of things that happened in the past over a coffee or a wine (or even a pepsi max) is what I guess it’s all about.  Creating those memories and storing them is a must in my opinion.  Which is why I love to blog, vlog, take photos and journal.  Try it? 

Many things still remain a mystery to me.  Maybe I’m considered young.  There must still be lessons to be learned.  We all feel so often that we are fumbling through life just bumbling along but perhaps that’s the point.  What we must learn is to embrace the good and the bad.  My tears flow today still since the emotions of yesterdays funeral and listening to the amazing Euilogy.  My father in law fought in the war.  They offered him the union jack on the coffin and the last post to be played.  Thank god they declined.  The emotions of that to honour him would have been amazing but perhaps too much. 

My point here is my tears are flowing silently and I can’t stop them, just in the same way you sometimes can’t stop belly laughing even if you try.  These emotions just happen. 

Go with it. 

Create moments to relive in the rocking chair days of your life.