I’ve been diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis

This blog post is disguised as a positive one I promise. It might not seem it initially. 

This week I was shocked to receive a letter from the hospital following an MRI I had a few weeks ago. 

Reluctant to lay in the machine, I felt so nervous. I’m not sure what I thought might happen but the heart was pounding anyway. 

Thankfully the amazing hospital workers had no hesitation in letting me use a machine which they told me was a bigger one. Still looked small to me. Yet I appreciated how sweet they were considering it was the end of the day. Without their kindness I expect they could have left earlier for home. 

Previously, an MRI (they were looking for spina bifida occulta) showed 3 degenerative discs. One facet joint had some osteoarthritis but let’s face it, I’m not 21 anymore. So part of me almost didn’t go for the test. 

The results informed me I have Ankylosing Spondylitis. 

There are square vertebral bodies with lesions, sacroilitis on both hips both sides of the joint and it generally sounds like a lot of inflammation is going on. 

Stunned. 

I’d read around AS before but was thankful I didn’t have it. Now I do. 

This is life changing. 

A chance of spinal fusion is frightening. This means the spine ends up one big long bone rather than lots of little bones. 

The treatment is naproxen which will flare up the crohns so we can’t go down that route. There is biological treatment available but I know nothing about that yet. 

Already, I’ve made positive steps in my research and hope things can continue to give me hope. 

I’m feeling like I really want to crack on with living life just now. Travel. See the world. 

Sort my house out. 

Get some building work done. 

Apparently, daily exercise is a must. Eating a low starch diet is also proven to help. If you want to read around the science bit, I’ll link it here. I am excited to read that one of the bacteria in the gut (which loves to feed on starch) is linked to CD and AS. So, this makes total sense as when I followed the specific carbohydrate diet my gut flora changed, as did the back pain. 

At the age of 13 the back pain started. No one seemed to think this was unusual and I’ve lived with a bad back ever since. Around the same time (tmi warning) I began I lose blood from my intestines and the GP decided this was likely heamorriods without an examination and for years I lived on medication for that until my crohns diagnosis 25 years later!

It’s bad. 
But. 
I can’t turn back time. 
So what can I do?  I can exercise daily and eat right. 

I can live life. 


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Are you with me? Will you support me?
For the first time ever i feel 100% focused and determined with every bone in my body (!) to get this blogging and writing career really flowing. Every time you read, share, like and comment it helps to get me towards this goal.  Thank you!
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Let's keep things positive as I totally step into leading my very best life.

Love, as always

Louise xoxox

My writer dream is coming true

Still I write from my bed.  Feeling sore.  More than sore, the pain is intense at times.

Juggling taking care of mother is unpleasant. Those feelings of guilt.  As I wince at the pain one more time, I hear Harley snore at my feet.  He hasn't left my side.  
Crohns is unpleasant and deserves a  lot of respect. I know this.  Nothing new here to see.  Yet this time feels different, rather like how i felt when i was first diagnosed.  Stunned and vulnerable.  

Knowing that feeling of being reminded so very strongly that I must listen.  I must.  


Before today, I was feeling I was being pulled in a direction where there was no choice but to listen to the powers that be.  i was being taken to the place of dreams, yet fighting and screaming at every corner as this simply wasn't what I was raised to believe.  Dreams don't come true.  Not for the likes of me.  You can't possibly live your passions and that be enough. No way. It was all about misery and sweat and toil.  This is precisely what I was taught.  Could I seriously think for a minute that I might be able to do exactly what I'm doing now for my job?  I'm sitting here, totally concentrating on my words which I might add are flowing beautifully as i write my next piece in the novel I have neglected for at least two years - respecting my chronic illness while still being an achiever.

Always i have wanted to write.  Always I have written. Either letters to the grandparents, love letters to less deserving other half or simply in the journal. Of course now we have this digital world and what was once a skill of typing is now a necessity we all must learn for this online society we now enjoy.  Could my writing be improved upon? Probably.  Yet I have stories which simply must be told.  Living with zero regret is an aim in my life.  An aim I currently have achieved.  Yet if I were to pass into the next life with these books still inside me, there is the regret.  As Wayne Dyer said, "Don't die with the music still in you."

For once, the strongest feeling is within me. A feeling that I am going to write and write some more. Allowing myself the indulgence of putting fingers to keys in bed, in the coffee shop, at my desk. All while taking care of mum and the twins, walking Harley when the mood takes me and being able to spend a day nursing my poorly gut.  I could do this. It's the thing.

Tomorrow I see myself getting up and out early. Taking a drive somewhere like the sea front and setting up the tripod.  Filming my story of this transition into a writer.  The story of how miserable I have been while trying to fit in with the world which I find way too hard to deal with.  The people who are so nasty and negative, the clothes you have to wear to look corporate, the schedules of commuting which costs a pretty penny to watch others looking miserably into their coffee cups while rocking their head against the beat of the music within their headphones yet in synch with the rocking of the train. 

It's not me.  

Me is the girl with curly hair.  T shirt and shorts.  Maybe a fleece or hoodie. The girl who wants a tan and make up but when she wants it.  Being a little bit of a hippy.  Living within the trees or taking time out to put my feet in the sand while letting the energy of grounding in nature help me with the flow.  Could this happy life be possible?  The life that sees me able to love my day writing, wherever and whatever.  Enough that people sense the passion and want to know more, buying into my stories, my books, my online videos telling the life story of what is going on.  Could this be that i might possibly earn a little money to pay the bills?

For the first time ever I sense a shift. It's different to before when I wanted to believe it.  This is almost like there is simply no choice but to make things work.  Without giving everything I've got to my writing I will have failed at my own life, my own path, my own blessings and talents.

It's time to step into my truth and my hearts desire and see what happens. Are you with me?

Our amazing party and a massive surprise - we got engaged!

Friday night saw a celebration meal.  Hosted by me and Scott.  Here's the story:

After we hosted my Dads "celebration of his life" party (he would like it to be called that) I felt that as a family we created an amazing day but it was just such a sad event that Dad wasn't there to enjoy and therefore we all struggled too.  On that day, I felt in my wisdom that we needed to host another get together and enjoy some sort of party at the same venue.

Setting to work with pen in hand, I created some ideas.  

Scott,  my ex-husband was the strength that got me through, the man who cried with me, held dads hand and sang (terribly) to the Beatles as Dad was taking his last breath. 

Our relationship isn't your typical love story and we have realised that older on in life we both feel a little 'set in our ways'.  Which means living together does not work for us!  You've likely heard the old saying 'can't live together can't be apart' well yes that's us.

When Scott was taken poorly with Myocarditis not long after we buried Dad, I was totally distraught.  It can be a killer.  What would I do without Scott?  I felt empty inside.  

Knowing the law of attraction and how it works, my best shot was to keep super positive and give Scott lots of hope and visions for the future.  We booked a dream holiday to Jamaica, not even knowing if he could fly.
I showed him more love than ever before and advised him on physical stuff like getting sleep, not stressing, cutting caffiene, eating healthily...only my close friend Stacey knew how I was trying to fix him.  Although she and I never spoke of this!

After a very traumatic day at the Royal Brompton hospital and Scott having a significant amount of tests, including a MRI with bells on, we stopped for dinner on the way home.  He seemed defeated.  This is a strong man who is in a powerful job.  There's nothing Scott can't do.  He was built with broad shoulders for that purpose.  
Steak was juicy as my mouth decided to take on a life of its own and I suggested that we really can't be without each other and perhaps we should accept that we are together for life, as friends but ones who don't want to be with anyone else!

When we went back a few weeks later for the results we were astounded.  Without going into it too much the news was more than favourable and the surgeon was dumbfounded as he has never quite seen something like this before.  
Knowing the law of attraction, I was having a quiet think to myself.  Was it the positivity that had helped? When I gave stacey the news she exclaimed, 
"You fixed his broken heart!"
I thought the same, I told her.  So now I'm in a place of amazing gratitude and hope for the future, knowing that Scott and I can prop each other up as old people!

This has now moved on to us celebrating our engagement last Friday and organising a ceremony for Jamaica.  Wow and Wow.

Shoes! 

Me and Mum

Beautiful 14th century vault

Me and Scott - another shot at things!

Me and the beautiful Stacey

Our guests gasped, clapped and 'ahhed' as we surprised them with an announcement at our party.  You can see Scotts speech in this video:

Watch this space as I give you more information about those little things I added as extra touches to make any party special :)


Much love as always from a very happy


Louise xoxo

ps, see my ring here!

Autoimmune diet and me - my podcast!

Hey everyone!!!

I'm thrilled to bits to announce my new news!

iTunes have accepted my podcast request and you can now subscribe to my podcast over there! I'm chuffed to say the least.  I was thinking it would be so so complicated and as you know by now, I've lots of fingers in many pies already!

Life is busy already.

Although you will come to learn over the next few weeks on the podcast, that life has *got* to change for me.  It's a must!

So what is my podcast all about?

I have opted to not just chit chat (although there will be plenty of that in the beginning of the podcasts!) but the second part of the podcasts I'm going to niche right down to talk about making health better through using the right nutrition.
For myself,  you might well know by now that I have Crohns disease (among other things!) and this is one of many autoimmune diseases.

Just recently, I had a turning point, an AHA moment, if you will, and this has lead me to this place.

You may know I'm currently taking a degree in Human Nutrition and I love all things like that.  Perhaps I can help someone you know too.  So I will be starting to chat about this a little over on my Youtube channel too as well as all the usual Vlogs.  

This coming week, I will be putting up another show where you can see me opening up and speaking honestly about what made me decide to get back to the special autoimmune diet.  Also how I'm feeling now.

You will make my day if you come over for a listen and perhaps share. The great thing about podcasts is you can download them to listen offline,  just the same way as you would the latest album release (although the podcast is FREE).  You can listen in the car, in the gym etc so head over to the link below and find me on iTunes.  Let me know you've subscribed too.  I'd love to hear from you if you are a listener but definitely if you are also an autoimmune illness sufferer.

Meanwhile, wishing you much love

Louise xoxo 

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/autoimmune-diet-and-me/id1023129375 

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