Finding Lou again.
We have all hidden a part of ourselves for the past 18 months. We had no choice. Yet a big part of me was nurtured into becoming the writer I’ve wanted to be since forever ago. And I loved that.
Something wasn’t right, and I didn’t know what.
Something still might not be. But one thing is for sure, I have just found a missing piece of my puzzle.
This last weekend was a time of music, dance, indulgent smiles.
Sometimes, doing unimportant things is the important thing.
What do we want from life? Happiness, freedom, enough-ness. And none of that comes from washing the dishes or doing the important things which we don’t really want to do. But it’s a catalyst into getting there.
You see, my life, just like yours, is full of things I don’t want to do. Being a carer, changing the bed, working when I want to nap.
Take the first thing, being a carer. I don’t want to be a carer. I have always wanted a successful career; only one letter difference, add one E.
“Well, she looked after you when you were little, now it’s payback time,” they say. That’s what they wrongly assume.
Dad was the looker-after parent, mostly. Mum was always busy, smoking and reminding us that if we didn’t leave her alone while she ‘had a fag,’ she would end up in the funny farm.
“What, you wanna see me in the funny farm?” she would shout.
“Well, you do it because she is your mum, and you love her,” they say. Again, wrongly assume. Those words have never been exchanged between me and my parents. Void, like the embrace, encouragement and pride.
Holding on to that doesn’t serve me. Cracking on and just doing what needs to be done is the best way, by far. All while continuing my career.
“You’ll need to bring her back on the 27th to have her stitches removed.” I tapped my phone and checked my diary.
Working.
What now?
Still haven’t figured that just yet, but I will.
Scheduling the week isn’t something I like to do. But my productivity isn’t where it needs to be.
I journal.
I complain.
I list:
Writing.
YouTube.
PhD.
Working at the university.
Hairdressing.
Mum.
Twins.
House.
Gym.
My health.
Hospital visits.
Property developing.
eBay mum and dads collectors’ items.
“I do need to be more positive and realise what an amazing life I really have. And it is. The YouTube thing feels all over the place – I’ll get up to date with it and focus on travel…” I continue to try and inspire and motivate myself, just as I do with others through my mentoring role.
There truly is too much going on. And the items which can be removed from the list are the things that I am passionate about (which is likely why they are at the top of the list).
I watched a video on YouTube detailing getting from A to B. “Turn down anything that isn’t on that line from A to B.” A lightbulb went off.
And it was inspirational.
She is right.
But turning those things down can sometimes prevent bills from being paid, we think. Writing this isn’t paying the bills, but it goes some way towards my clarity, which will. Does that make sense to you? Read over it again if it doesn’t.
What do you love? For me, it’s writing and travel. Putting those two things together can absolutely work, even in loose terms. For instance, someone I follow has several strands to her business. She talks about the law of attraction, like me, and sells amazing necklaces which have inspirational quotes. Great! It works for her. Writing travel stories sounds like it could work, right?
Finding Lou isn’t easy when there are commitments involving other people. But putting oneself first is of absolute necessity. Let’s start digging, find us, and our buried dreams.