Saturday 30 June 2018

Camp NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow - this is how I'm feeling

The last day of June means July 1st Tomorrow and the start of Camp NaNoWriMo! I'm excited to give myself a target to reach and also a little nervous as I do have some trips booked and an entire host of video editing to do for my Youtube channel before that.  I promised myself this would be done before I was shooting off to the airport.  So what is stopping me from being on top of my game?  Shall I tell you?  This is quite a vunerable thing to share...

Since finishing university my body has been over run with different infections and the fatigue has been so consuming that to plan a journey past a half hour drive has at times felt impossible. These grumbles also seem to go hand in hand with terrible mental health issues for me which is something I would gladly wave a magic wand at and get over it.  If you have even remotely suffered depression or anxiety you will understand this feeling. You can't control it no matter how you try.  For me, I have learnt through my science degree that 90% of the serotonin we make comes from the gut and with my issues of inflammatory bowel disease I am pretty sure my gut could be in better shape than currently.  Sure I'm taking my probiotics and they definitely do help.  So I'm giving in and sleeping lots and I suspect right now it would be a good time to try as best I can to surround myself with those people I love and trust to be sweet and lovely to me. Petting my furry baby Harley always helps and you know how they just love you so unconditionally in a way we all know humans could learn from. 
Trying to eat as little as possible to give my digestive system a break is something that's recommended when you have crohns. So I'm trying that.  But when you are a true 'foodie' it's hard.  Another reason to feel blue.  Sugar is the enemy when you have gut issues and bacteria love to thrive on the white stuff so I'm trying to cut that out as best I can...sigh....anyhow I have really digressed there.

Sometimes these issues with the brain definitely help to keep me on track.  Let me try and explain. You see I have started to converse over on twitter with many writer types and often you will find people who love to write may sometimes love being on their own typing away with their own words.  Sometimes with a mind rather like mine.  Anxious or over thinkers. Some days 'we' have no choice but to be at home with our words.  Yet I can't tell you how long I have given myself a hard time for trying to live the dream.  Strange really that my playlist has just played 'A million Dreams' from The Greatest Showman!

A dilemma i have is this: I've been offered a wonderful (but likely very stressful) research project.  There is money attached and a wonderful chance to make a difference in the world of diabetes.  I'm tempted and it will be a great challenge.  Yet am I up to it?  Can I do it without crumbling?  You see I sense being stuck between a rock and hard place is something that I must recognise where I am.  While loving the life of trying to get back to more writing/editing and working on my health at the gym, including walking the dog and all these other things that see me smiling it doesn't feel like work.

Which leaves me doubting the acceptability of doing it as a job....which is exactly what I teach others they must follow those dreams.

NaNoWriMo will see me committing to 30,000 words which is 1000 a day and I'm going to start working back on the book I have left alone for about 4 years now. It's called Happiness in vitro and I'm super excited to get this one published but I want to get that first draught under my belt and work super hard on perfecting it.  By the end of July we hope I have achieved what I need to achieve in my writing.  I do love it.  I promise I will aim to keep posting on this blog too as I simply love blogging. I have more blogs than is normal for a person!  Without sounding too crazy, I simply feel like 'me' when I'm writing.  

Something I can't deny.

Friday 29 June 2018

Ups and downs of knowing the law of attraction

Today sees me with strange moods.  

I can only guess that it was after yesterdays blog post talking about me stepping into my reality, (then today getting disturbed by mother). I was in the log cabin getting lots of work done and her disturbing me (she has dementia) made me realise this isn't going to be easy.

The journey I have been on for so many years now has finally brought me to the place of saying "YES! I am a writer!" And I guess rather like waiting for an elusive book deal, then realising you are finally there - and I guess like after your wedding day - you realise everything is still the same, with life ups and downs.

Learning about the law of attraction has been a tricky time and an entire blog post needs to follow with lots of details on this. It's not the answer to finding the cup of gold at the end of the rainbow but rather takes lots of learning to get your head around.  Stopping the feelings of guilt when you aren't 'thinking right' is a big old journey in itself.

So, just for today I will sit in Starbucks with my faithful friend and do a little writing.


Thursday 28 June 2018

I'm a full time author!

Flip flops casually dangling off my two fingers, I walked barefoot in the sand.  Happy.  This was a happy and content feeling. My blonde beach curls were becoming more ruffled with the wind as I shook them from within the close view of my pupils.  Today was a good day.  

After avoiding the sun all week and instead preparing for this day with much writing and inside-type stuff, I was happy to watch the cloudless blue skies from the window as I knew today was the day I had 'Beach with Jasmine' written in my diary.  Expecting to need suncream, it was a ridiculous thought to pack my hoodie in the bag along with the towels we would use to lay on the sand after noon when the sun was due to shine.  Noon onwards.  However, the clouds kept moving fast with glimpses of sun in between.  Right after we had finished filming we popped into the old fashioned cafe and had a hot drink.  This still was a good day.

In my mind, I wandered.  Not thinking too much about what I was going to say in the voiceover.  You see, I'd planned in my mind to sit on the beach (we even took the tripod with us) and talk to the camera; yet I knew the wind would just howl down the microphone, even with the fluffy bit attached.  So those words could come later I decided.  Right after I write this passage in fact.  
My candle holding Buddha is lit and I am going to take some time to flow.  There is news you see. Big news.

Maybe not so much to you but definitely for me. It seems I may be the last to know. 

After lots of soul searching and a huge journey full of stress, twists and turns and not allowing myself to be ill or healthy for that matter, I have arrived at a destination.

Growing up, I was taught that toil, stress and misery is what working is all about.  At the age of 14 my wonderful Aunt invited me to think about doing a job I would love.  Leaving me totally perplexed, I began to wonder what I loved.  Settling on the idea of doing something with food (I was a straight A in my Food and Nutrition subject) I looked into several avenues there.  Ending up at college training to be a chef.  A long story follows that but suffice to say I still had the notion that work was something to be suffered.  I loved my job with a total passion but I think perhaps did some damage to myself after working 70-90 hours a week for 15 years.  Seldom a day off.  
Yet, work was going well, I was achieving.

Fast forward to today.  I'm trying hard (it's an effort) to believe that the one dream I really have might in fact be able to be my job.  

After lots of brain training to the contrary, I am now stepping into the brave place of telling you I am now embracing being a full time writer! 
There, I said it.  
Out loud and to the world.  

Since I was little I have loved all sorts of writing. 
Letter writing
script writing 
story writing, even poems.  
It's one of those things I simply can't get enough of.  People have told me I have a talent.


When blogging became a thing I was excited.  I started blogging years ago and we were told not to make it an online diary but rather to train people in something.  So I set about doing that and managed to create myself a successful blog with around 9000 readers per month which isn't record breaking but for me, it's wonderful.  Now though, I sense blogging is doing a 360 and people love hearing about memoir. 
Publishing on Amazon was another brave decision and I have some books out there now, one of them is even a little bit of fiction. I loved writing that too, seeing where the protagonist took me in the story (I love how writers state that even though it always sounds so 'out there') and people seemed to love my story too.

My health struggles sometimes. Which is something I don't like to admit. I like to be an achiever.  Against the odds.  Although recently I have had to listen to the signs my body is giving me as there has literally been no alternative.  
Ending up wired up to machines in hospital with total fatigue consuming me, I decided to make today happen, the day at the beach; filming.  It was time to create this life I have dreamed of as well as hoped might actually be able to fulfil me.  I want to write full time.  

Going full time

I'm going to write full time. 

Of course the money bit scares me. Of course it would.  I have worked out a little bit of a plan to keep me going while I continue to grow my author platform and I have also created a patreon account for those who want to support me.  Those people will be able to see all the raw stuff I go through as it happens, warts and all.  But most importantly, I'm going to step into the life I have really wanted for all these years and call myself an author.  

Will I still be blogging?  Yes.
Will I still be hanging out over on instagram a lot?  Definitely.
What about keeping the Youtube channel going? More than ever.
What types of books will I write?  Mostly non-fiction with a little spice added (based on true stories).  Many about living life on purpose (A lusher Life). Many more will kind of be Romance novels. 
Am I excited?  Beyond belief.
Am I frightened?  So much.  Yet I'm more frightened of not doing it!

Right as the day was coming to a close at the beach, an email popped up inviting me to undertake an amazing medical research role. I'm very temped, still.  Yet I know with my beating heart that I simply must write.

It's a must.  I'd love your support. <3


Tuesday 26 June 2018

Meeting the Queen at Royal Ascot

Another thing ticked off the bucket list.  I got to see the Queen!

Dressed up ready for Ascot

Front seats for going to see the Queen

Royal Ascot is a famous week in the English calendar when race goers come together to enjoy an occasion of dressing up frightfully posh and getting to the racecourse to eat, drink and be merry.  Something you might not know about me is there was  a time when I worked (very hard) in the hospitality management scene.  While I loved my job, it was tough going and after falling pregnant with the twins, I was only able to run around the racecourses and football clubs up until ten weeks of pregnancy. I simply didn't have the energy. Prior to this though, I would travel far and wide around the country helping to manage such events as the FA cup Final, The Grand National, The world cup at Twickenham rugby and other such posh events like being based full time at Newmarket Racecourse.  Over on my linkedin is a very nice testimonial from my previous boss.  More about my career another time but suffice to say I was incredibly blessed to have had this 'big job' before being re-set with my priorities of becoming a mother.   No regrets of course but it wasn't really in my plans to give up the career. That's a whole other story that I'm writing - it has its own Facebook page - and as it turned out I am really glad how things happened.  For me, I feel I would have definitely missed out terribly had I carried on working so hard.

Anyhow, back to todays story and seeing the Queen.
My friends (who packed the most totally awesome picnic with tables, chairs, condiments and even sugar bowls etc) suggested to book our tickets for the Windsor Enclosure as this is the area you can enjoy a picnic. The other enclosures see us enjoying the hospitality provided by the caters. (Upon looking on Google, I'm not sure Letheby and Christopher have the contract anymore, oh how things change over the course of 18 years!)

We all dressed with appropriate hat gear and to be honest, one of the very best parts of the day was people watching. Everyone in amazing clothes and walking their very best in high heels on grass, all cocooned by a wonderful atmosphere. Even funnier later as the alcohol kicked in.  A DJ played in the bar area while a live band (whom I didn't discover until much later on) played in another part. They sounded incredible! Those who had been drinking began to enjoy singing along loudly, fascinators firmly attached, shoes often off to "All the single ladies" and performed brilliantly for my video:

The queen wore powder blue and I kind of wish I'd placed a bet on that. As we entered the racecourse there were those guys who take your bet (what's the word?) asking what colour would the queens hat be.  We went on the Wednesday which is a typically quieter day.  It was nice for it to be quieter.  The previous day the newlyweds Megan and Harry accompanied the Queen and Prince Charles and Camilla alongside a couple of other royals who's names escape me.

A real royalist, I love that about England. We get so much wrong. Often the weather, very often our morals can embarrass us but when we do things well, we do things well.
More than a splendid day, I am keen to go again next year.  Maybe it would be good to organise a group of people to go and split the cost of a marquee. You know, those little ones.  They always used to have an air of calm about them as I remember from working at Newmarket. Generally you would have an allocated staff member for the day and generally these were always those who were tipped the best at the end.  Sometimes, older ladies used to like doing this job. They loved the chat and the schmooz.  They were wiser; knew how to work for those tips.  Such happy memories. I loved my job!

Would I return to Ascot again? Definitely yes! I am so keen to travel to so many places and see so many events.  Feeling very blessed that my social calendar is filling up once again and life is really worth living.  We are currently enjoying some amazing sunny weather in the UK right now and locally we have some beautiful beaches. Instagram will see me sharing some of these beautiful golden sands photos within the next few days I am very sure!  What's next? You'll have to make sure you subscribe to this blog on the little form thing on the right hand side of the screen to follow such adventures. There is also some pretty massive news coming which will follow right after that trip to the beach! And I mean MASSIVE.

Love as always, Louise xoxo

Wednesday 20 June 2018

Do you have success on twitter?

Lost it on Twitter?

Twitter is a place where you can connect with the thousands. I love it for that.  A simple hashtag and we are all connected.  Brilliant.

In the mornings, a simple #amwriting brings us author types to a place of knowing where we are are at and who we are. Defining ourselves.   So, my twitter should ideally be a place of the thousands of interactions.  Alas, this is one of the platforms that doesn't work for me.  I adore instagram.  Love it. Love looking at peoples stories and photos.  Facebook is only not my favourite place as it has many personal connections over there. As I share my innermost thoughts through my writings, there are times I don't really want all of those connections knowing everything from deep inside my heart.  Those who won't mind me telling them know who they are.  Simply, I could remove those people of course. I should really be stepping out of the shadows and simply standing up and shouting from the rooftops. So this leaves us Twitter.  My biggest following and my least reactive audience.  Why?  I think I know why.

For some time I have changed my bio over and over. I have been the nutritionist, the law of attraction expert and now kinda telling the world over there I'm an author.  Although still writing on there that I do travel reviews, which I do, through my blogs and other websites such as trip advisor.  Does all of this confuse the audience?  Likely yes.

While all of these things come under the umbrella of 'A Lusher Life' one can't help but wonder if there should be much more clarity.  And of course my wishes need to creep in there, as do yours.  As in, what you want from me and also as well as what you want from your following online.

Many people have asked me (in fact it's my biggest question) how to make money online.   I considered writing a course about this as it's really something that is in demand.  Although there is not an easy answer.  My youtube channel regularly brings me an income now which is amazing but that said, it has taken quite a few years and quite a lot of learning.  I'm there now and it's just about growth from here on in.  I love youtube.  Adore it.  I also love how we have 'stories' on Facebook and Instagram too.  We are nosey I guess haha. :)

Do you find success in Twitter?  Is this something you would like to grow? An online business and knowing how to make money from your laptop?  I'm at the survey stage where I'm interested in knowing how many people would be interested in hearing more and hearing success stories from others in the field. Before I go ahead and create an online course detailing such things.  Let me know your thoughts; as always you are welcome to email me by clicking here. 

Sunday 17 June 2018

Should you invest in a coach who cares? YES!!!

Sometimes, I get overly passionate and it can spill over into angry.

These 'coaches' who are worth thousands.  Yes there are those who really are worth investing in and no-one is a bigger fan of those coaches than me.  They need to charge high prices and that is what they are worth.  Yet those are the types who will deliver amazing value.  They will check in on you, really care about your results and they will have you chomping at the bit to improve your life and business.

Recently, a good friend of mine invested a lot of money though an obviously impressive sales funnel.  The pitch was good. It would have to have been as to part with the kind of money my friend did was HUGE. She even told the creator of this coaching course the money spent should really go towards clearing debt but she believed in investing in herself.  Personally, with this request, I would have nurtured that potential client. I would have sent links to plenty of free stuff which every coach should be putting out there, and I would encourage paying the bills instead and working on the free content enough to then earn a little more in order to sign up to a course.  Upon signing up, (consider this is thousands of pounds) I would then go ahead and check on my students.  To charge this kind of money, send a once a week PDF teaching nothing new and not even check in on them is lazy, unspiritual and this coaching business can only have one outcome in my book.

More and more we are hearing pitches from coaches and we are knowing it is a great way to help us get ahead in our business.  Yes.  I agree.  But greed on the coaches part should not be what this industry is about.

Previously I have mentioned Brendon Burchard.  He is a total master at coaching. He also has great morals and is a huge success.  Now, admittedly I have bought a couple of his books and signed up to a very long and content packed audible book.  Yet these were minimal costs. If he were to come to the UK and do a coaching course, I would be tempted.  Yet the cost might not be within reach for many. What makes him a success is you can be coached BY Brendon no matter what your status. He is open for all.  I love this.

Over on my Youtube channel, each Monday I post a video called Motivational Monday. Loads of people use Motivational Monday now.  It's a great thing! Obviously my videos are free and often just me rambling on in the car while driving to somewhere important. Yet a handful of people find these of value.  Go and see the comments, you will see. 

If you are tempted into these coaching programmes that are teaching you to be a coach, please do not get the dollar signs in your eyes. It's not about that. It's about you wanting a 'job' where you can give value to others who need different beliefs and can do a different job and create a lifestyle they love.  Do not omit the part which says you give value.  Your business is only going to be known for this.  Start with love and the rest follows.  If you truly want to help those who can't afford your courses, give the free content which will help them and watch them come back and be in a position to pay next time.


Thursday 14 June 2018

My writer dream is coming true

Still I write from my bed.  Feeling sore.  More than sore, the pain is intense at times.

Juggling taking care of mother is unpleasant. Those feelings of guilt.  As I wince at the pain one more time, I hear Harley snore at my feet.  He hasn't left my side.  
Crohns is unpleasant and deserves a  lot of respect. I know this.  Nothing new here to see.  Yet this time feels different, rather like how i felt when i was first diagnosed.  Stunned and vulnerable.  

Knowing that feeling of being reminded so very strongly that I must listen.  I must.  

Before today, I was feeling I was being pulled in a direction where there was no choice but to listen to the powers that be.  i was being taken to the place of dreams, yet fighting and screaming at every corner as this simply wasn't what I was raised to believe.  Dreams don't come true.  Not for the likes of me.  You can't possibly live your passions and that be enough. No way. It was all about misery and sweat and toil.  This is precisely what I was taught.  Could I seriously think for a minute that I might be able to do exactly what I'm doing now for my job?  I'm sitting here, totally concentrating on my words which I might add are flowing beautifully as i write my next piece in the novel I have neglected for at least two years - respecting my chronic illness while still being an achiever.

Always i have wanted to write.  Always I have written. Either letters to the grandparents, love letters to less deserving other half or simply in the journal. Of course now we have this digital world and what was once a skill of typing is now a necessity we all must learn for this online society we now enjoy.  Could my writing be improved upon? Probably.  Yet I have stories which simply must be told.  Living with zero regret is an aim in my life.  An aim I currently have achieved.  Yet if I were to pass into the next life with these books still inside me, there is the regret.  As Wayne Dyer said, "Don't die with the music still in you."

For once, the strongest feeling is within me. A feeling that I am going to write and write some more. Allowing myself the indulgence of putting fingers to keys in bed, in the coffee shop, at my desk. All while taking care of mum and the twins, walking Harley when the mood takes me and being able to spend a day nursing my poorly gut.  I could do this. It's the thing.

Tomorrow I see myself getting up and out early. Taking a drive somewhere like the sea front and setting up the tripod.  Filming my story of this transition into a writer.  The story of how miserable I have been while trying to fit in with the world which I find way too hard to deal with.  The people who are so nasty and negative, the clothes you have to wear to look corporate, the schedules of commuting which costs a pretty penny to watch others looking miserably into their coffee cups while rocking their head against the beat of the music within their headphones yet in synch with the rocking of the train. 

It's not me.  

Me is the girl with curly hair.  T shirt and shorts.  Maybe a fleece or hoodie. The girl who wants a tan and make up but when she wants it.  Being a little bit of a hippy.  Living within the trees or taking time out to put my feet in the sand while letting the energy of grounding in nature help me with the flow.  Could this happy life be possible?  The life that sees me able to love my day writing, wherever and whatever.  Enough that people sense the passion and want to know more, buying into my stories, my books, my online videos telling the life story of what is going on.  Could this be that i might possibly earn a little money to pay the bills?

For the first time ever I sense a shift. It's different to before when I wanted to believe it.  This is almost like there is simply no choice but to make things work.  Without giving everything I've got to my writing I will have failed at my own life, my own path, my own blessings and talents.

It's time to step into my truth and my hearts desire and see what happens. Are you with me?

Monday 11 June 2018

Give up the negative story and step into your new life.

Brendon Burchard.  A genius in my eyes.  He has 'a way' about him which is quite incredible.  Explaining how we can create a better life for ourselves in one way or another. Carving something good out of the inevitable bad which happens to us along the way.  Something I strive to do each day and yet something about his words seem to have helped make some sense of what I might need to do to enable this to happen. 

Listening to Audible, the High Performance Habits audio book by Brendon was quite life altering.  After many hours of having him as my companion while I drive around, being busy about my day, things began to come very clear indeed.  No less the fact that I have been telling myself (not so much other people but definitely myself) my negative story.  This needs to be let go. Always, there are others who can top my story. Always, there will be reasons in which I can use this as a block to stop me from living the fulfilling life I wish to live.  
You see there is so much I write on my list of 'to do's' and not enough of the actual doing in order to get this all done.  This is a flaw of mine.  I know exactly what's stopping me too.  I'm worried.  Of not earning the money.  Of not being a success while I actually get there.  Yet all the while, the worry is only disabling me from that actual doing-ness of getting things done in order to succeed and know the worry was for nothing.

More than this, I worry that I will never fulfil my dreams, my purpose.  

Trying to explain this in a Motivational Monday video today was a bit gobbledegook.
Why don't those words flow as I want them to when I know exactly through my own errors in ways how I want to help others to stop making the same mistake.

In a nutshell, we all have negative stories and things that make us feel really sad or blue or use as a reason not to do 'the thing' that we really want to be doing.  Reaching out to others in this situation is frequently an absolute necessity. Preventing depression and mental health issues must be a total priority. Yes, of course.  Yet to tell the same story over and over won't change it's history but you could try and decided to at least TRY and park it somewhere while you get on with the thing you really want to be doing and finally decide it's not going to be your demon any longer, ruling you against your dreams. 

You got this!

Thursday 7 June 2018

I'm a qualified Scientist - but what's next might shock you!

Can you believe it? I’m a scientist with a degree! YES, Finally.

The journey hasn't been as pleasant as I had liked and I have documented the entire 3 years over on this blog and this youtube channel.  Go sub to them both as you can see my findings soon over there! Yes it's a raw and emotional diary.  I have loved keeping it! 

Finally finished my degree and onwards to better things. While the nutrition degree is so interesting and important - and I love helping my clients - I simply can’t help but continue to love my nutrition writing which brings me to a very exciting piece of news.

September I am proud to say I am going to start an MA which is a Masters degree in Creative Non Fiction Writing. Of course I will also be telling stories which is an absolute passion of mine! The tough time I have had at university has shown me exactly what I do want to be doing with my life. Making it happen is possible but I was never raised to believe in the dream coming true so I feel I’ve a little bit of a block there which I need to overcome. I will, I know. And you guys will help me too this I know. Sharing these posts is great. Thank you for every time you do that.

My current books can be found on this amazon page and of course there are lots more to come - watch this space.

Sunday 3 June 2018

Being comfortable in your own skin

Sitting in Starbucks, drinking my almond latte with a dash of vanilla, dog at my feet.  I love that about Starbucks.  Harley gets his mini dish of water (I bring the dish, they supply the water) and I write.

Knowing writing is my absolute passion, I feel comfortable with myself now. A knowing is a powerful thing. Yet how can this journey have taken so long to get here?

Sitting close by me are some wonderfully turned-out beautiful women.  
Older than me.  
Looking good though.  
One of them, I totally know, is  a complete bitch. Never will I forget the time I had parked outside the school with my twins in the back in their new school uniforms.  It was literally breaking my heart to take them to school every day. Not only had I had a terrible time at school and hated it but now I simply didn't like the pressure they gave to these tiny human beings.  
They were so small and lovely.  
4 years old.  
So, back to the day. We had been rushing, I had ensured a healthy breakfast, packed lunches at the ready, 'ponytail plaits' for Jasmine as she called them and making sure Nathan had a coat with a hood on it as all the other children had a coat with a hood and he was upset that he didn't. So you imagine the scene.  And yes, I'm a single mother with a very large and hairy German Shepherd dog and need to hoover constantly - (those small details). We arrived and YES! there was a parking space.  Yet one of these women who now sit across Starbucks from me gave me the most dirty look, shook her head as if to say no and tutted in a 'tut tut tut tut tut tut tut' fashion.  
Much yelling followed telling me I can't park here and knowing I had to move the car also meant my twins might be late for school which they never were. Now I overhear her (talking like a bitch still) sitting in Starbucks with the ironed shirt and collar up, looking like her hair was styled by the same stylist who tends to Samantha from Sex in the City.  Here I sit with my hay fever eyes (no make up, puffy and watering), a big bite -of some description- on my neck (not passion related) and curly hair literally scooped up in a ponytail.  Once upon a time I would have sat here literally wincing. Completely worrying about what I looked like.   

Not now. 

I hear her, "Well, look I'm not being funny but...." and that look down her nose and lots of cackling in with the conversation. 
Yet here I am with my son joining me for morning coffee, my dog happy at my feet and doing a 'job' i totally love, safe in the knowledge that I truly have found the person who I want to be and I'm comfortable with that.  There's nothing quite like going on a journey and ending up in a destination which is actually more than ok.  

Today, I pat myself on the back.  That day, she made me crumble and I was in a mess for the rest of the day.  Most likely wobbly for the entire week.  I'm not sure now. I forget.  But her and her 'parking attendant' critical self can carry on tutting for all she likes.  I'd far rather be the hippy, loving mum that I was then and am now. 

Sitting here not caring if she notices me and thinks, "Look at the state of that." Is a massive step forward for me.  What has changed?  I'm not totally sure I can put that into words  here on this page.  Saying that, it's almost like I now don't need people's validation. I know I have a place on this earth and good things to offer.  My gifts are here to help others, without judgement.  Learning from people like our Samantha wannabe exactly how 'not to' be with other people has brought me to an open place of non judgemental caring.  Thank goodness for those people who have brought me here before it's too late to make a difference.
Time now to help those who need me.  They are, strangely, coming in thick and fast right now. People reaching out to ask for help, needing to see me and talk about things, to be on Skype, to email me.  Even a little messenger message.  I want to make a difference for those who need it. In whatever tiny way I can.  Being able to draw upon my own stories is really a wonderful gift in a manifestation type of way. 
© Louise Usher. All rights reserved.