Wednesday 10 February 2016

I lost my Dad

For those of you who don't follow my Youtube channel, I have some devastating news.

My brave and gentlemanly father has passed away.

Not only are we in shock as a family but I'm finding things pretty hard to keep going.  As usual, I am finding gratitude in 'things' but this event and massive loss has really shaken things up.

Dad and I are so close.  Often understanding each other with just a look when Mum says something funny.
OR an amazing song with air guitar breaks needed.

I was always a Daddys girl.
Monday lunchtimes home from school were the best.  Depending on Dads shift pattern he would cook me mashed potato, meat left over from Sunday lunch and thick steamy gravy.  I never wanted to go back to school on those monday afternoons.

Miserable school.
It was Dad who sat me on his lap when I cried and said I wanted to leave school.  It was Dad who taught me to stand up for myself and fight for whats right and wrong.

Dad was my dancing partner when we started to learn Ballroom and Latin when I was a young teenager.

Dad was also the man who usually led the Macarena.

So how do I begin to chose the song for the soloist at his funeral?

How do I put one foot in front of the other and carry on with study, work, life and cleaning the darn floor?

How do I do anything without curling up and crying?

How can this be a normal part of life?  Something that so many go through.  Grief.  Losing people.  IT hurts so much.

Little by little, I will be kind to myself.  Helping Mum to sort life out.  Life without her husband.  54 years of marriage.  Gosh.  Do they still make marriages like that?

Unsure if I should make a video or not, I decided to go ahead.  My subscribers are growing daily and I'm eternally thankful for the dream that pretty soon I will be able to work from home on my business and stop worrying so much if I have a day or two where I feel unwell.

Thank you all for being here.  You mean so much to me.


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