Wednesday 8 March 2017

Why your anxiety is not your fault.

Let's clear this up.

If you have anxiety or depression it's likely you will know what I'm talking about here.

Black cloud days.

Those days when one minute you are buzzing and determined, then along comes the black cloud, in whatever form, and BAM! you are out of whack for several days.

What triggered that mood, thought, feeling?  
Often it was someone and their harsh word.  
Their misunderstanding of you.  
Their less than kind heart.

You would NEVER act like that to someone right?  Never would you be rude or unkind or simply seem uncaring.  The reason you wouldn't is because you know too well that there may be another story behind that smile.  

Imagine the scenario.  Just recently, you have been up against it, wondering how you might manage to get life back on an even keel.  Then you wake up thinking, "I'm going to give it my very best shot."
You dress nicely, you make every determined effort to be like the old you.  The one before all this.  Skipping through your day nicely feeling confident and smiley.  People all around you warming to your mood. 

Then comes the unkind person.  The sharp tongue.  The less than helpful answer.  

Your day crumbles as you run with tears soaking your cheeks.  Where you are going you just don't know.  You phone your 'go to' person to keep yourself safe.  Patting yourself on the back momentarily from stopping this black cloud taking you one step too far.

Writing off the rest of the day, perhaps even the next couple of weeks,  you and your headache wonder how someone could be so nasty, so unhelpful, so unkind.  You would never be like that. 

This is NOT your fault. 

As the black cloud lifts over the next days and weeks and even just a break in that cloud suggesting a glimmer of sunlight you must remember, this is not your fault.  Likely there is a simplistic reasoning for this.  Likely you caught the unkind tongue at a bad moment.

Never would I excuse such behaviour but they are human too.  
You feel how you feel.  That is human too.  It is not your fault.  
They should be kind, yes.  We all should be kinder, bigger hearted, creating the wonderful world we dream of in our depressed, anxious state of mind.  

Still you can ask yourself why,  so long as you remember, this is not your fault.  You did not deserve such behaviour and it is NOT your fault.

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