Friday 20 December 2019

I'm just a woman who...lost her muse

Passion filled my muse until just a few days ago. Now I can’t find it, even though I tried.  

Last night I was shattered as I popped up the TV at the end of my bed. Author Angela Anne on my YouTube with a ‘day in the life’ video usually gets my creative passions flowing. Nothing did.  I have never felt like this before. It isn’t writer's block.

I’m just a woman who has lived a lot of life and has a story to tell. 

When they told me that my story ‘has legs’ I was more than excited.  Pushing my dream that I’ve carried as a little girl – since I could pick up a pencil. Long letters to Grandparents were written, until I was old enough for pen pals  - write, write, write.  It was my peaceful place.  Sitting on my floor, leaning on my bed, writing by hand. 
After a very tricky science degree in biochemistry of nutrition and medical things, I decided to be a science writer; great! An MA in creative writing swerved that into writing creative non-fiction, and ‘they’ liked my stories.  The experts.

I’m just a woman wanting to share my story of hope, and winning against the odds. 

My book spans 20 years and sees heartbreak, infertility, miscarriages, poverty, homelessness, single parenthood.  The point in it all? I want someone to pick up my book, read the story and think, “If she can do it, I can do it,” and believe that maybe they can find some strength to turn their life around too.  
I could have crumbled but instead, I worked, I got the bit between my teeth and made life happen, all while being a good parent. Learning all the things that help you create a life you love helped me to manifest my desires.  Except every so often, there is a bump in the road and along comes something to test me again.  Have I used all the strength I had? 

One bad critique shouldn’t stop me. But it would. I need to be accepted, approved of, given a thumbs up. Those who have read it usually go crazy for this book yet publishing it might just find other critics who are disapproving. Which leaves me in a place of hanging up the quill. Just for now.  Just to take some time out to focus on health, life stuff which needs catching up with and to travel to hotter places with salty seas and blue skies. 

I missed my blog. The journaling I do daily is a practice I love, but I still have missed the blog.  So, I’m back, on Fridays, with some story, or a short few paragraphs of writing, like the one I will publish tomorrow.  You see I still want to write, but I want you to love my writing.  Perhaps over time, I will share more of the big project on here but I’m very undecided about publishing it right now. 

This blog was born from finding a love of the law of attraction and wanting to share that with you.  Now I expect disapproval, I am manifesting that so for a short time I will regain my faith in my audience and share some of my short stories here. Hoping to manifest readers who adore my work and motivate me to share more.

If they can do it, I can do it.

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