Sharon's last dance with me

My beautiful friend Sharon, who now has her wings

It was just the two of us in the room, as the family had stepped out of for a short while. Sharon was comfortable in the hospice and the staff loved her.

            “Let’s have some music mate, this version of ‘Show me love’,” I said to Sharon as she slept. Using my phone, I played the song we used to go crazy to on our nights out. She opened her eyes, “I thought you might like that,” I said as I watched her eyes close again. I held her hand until the song played out then I blew my nose and dried my eyes. Standing up to put the tissue in the bin, I said with my back to Sharon, “I know, you like the King and I. I remember this song you told me about,” and typed into the search bar of my phone ‘The King and I,’ and looked at the long list of songs. Memory reminded me Sharon liked ‘Shall we dance?’ as I clicked play.  The first strings played and filled the air in the room as I moved over to the bin, to throw my tissue away.  

As I turned around I instantly smiled and walked back to the bed where Sharon was wide-eyed and conducting the music high in the air with gusto.  Shocked in the very best way possible I laughed and said, “Oh Sharon you are a legend!” I took hold of her left hand and we danced together in the air above her bed as her right hand tapped ‘one, two, three’ in time to the music! This was a classic moment with Sharon and I lapped up every second of it as we danced together for the last time.  The words were familiar and we sang together, not loudly, but audibly, “…with our arms around each other and will you be my new romance, shall we dance, shall we dance, shall we dance?” 

            The more I laughed, the wider Sharon smiled.  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, “Oh they won’t believe this when I tell them,” I said with tears of joy pouring down my face.  Sharon and I singing and dancing again. Not on the dance floor, granted, but that really didn’t matter.

            “I’m really going to miss you girlie,” I said.

            “Miss me? Why? Where are you going?” Sharon asked

Signs from loved ones from heaven?

Yesterday saw the end of Strictly come dancing 2017. It was amazing.  I could not take my eyes off the screen.

Dad and I used to dance.  I feel he sent me some vibes and a very big clue from heaven.

At the age of 12 I began the typical 'modern dance' that young girls do.  A year later it was ballroom and latin.  I loved it.  Scoring high in the 90s for my medal tests, I just felt dance was a part of me, a part of life.  Without it I simply wouldn't feel my heart beating.

As a family we would head off on dance weekends and I just couldn't get enough of it.

Beginning my career at 18 I had to pull away from the dance school and all my friends which was a really hard thing. I felt sure they would always be there for me though and the bond we had created would not be broken. I was sure they would understand just how hard my job was.

Even so, still I would bop while working, constantly. 

The career had to take a detour when I became a mum, also becoming single at the same time.

Adorable twins kept me super busy for a year.  Then I realised I needed to get a life back. Once a week I used to get mum and dad to babysit and I would go to a new type of dance I had never tried before, Ceroc.  I LOVED IT.

Shortly after this, my aunt fell so unwell and I knew that all the while I had the physical ability to dance, I should.  The same year I ran my first race for life with an ambition of running the total 5k regardless of how long it took.  I also became a Ceroc finalist at the National competition in London. I was blown away.  Coming 5th out of 160 couples.  My partner and I had the best time and we became unbreakable, or so I thought.  Dance made me feel alive.  So alive.  Keeping my mental health  in check and I hadn't realised at the time but my physical health too.

Ten years ago I fell in love. My new man was keen to come dancing with me too.  He could move pretty good.  I loved dancing with him and didn't mind at all that I was back to basics again.  We even headed to the competition floor after my previous partner told me he wasn't competing that year (but then did compete, with a much better dancer than me).  My new husband and I were knocked straight out.  Then a decline began. 

"I'm not sure I will come tonight, might get an early night. You go though..." of course I didn't go.  Well, you don't, do you.

Dancing Queen is on my funeral song list.  Which surely shows I feel I'm still that girl.  

Having not danced now for at least 8 years, my mental, physical health and wellbeing is just in ruins. Yet I refuse to believe it's done for.  It will come back.  Dance may help.

Having been thinking this for a couple of months since I became single,  it was on my mind every episode of Strictly.  

Glued.

Last night, the final...each time someone walked into the living room I paused the TV, not wanting to miss a second of it.  The dance, the sequins, the hair and make up.  All so amazing.

My competition days are over. I know this.  My back crumbling and my muscles wasting.  Yet I have to try.   My eyes on stalks.  I loved it. The music.  There she was.  There was me.  I could have cried.

Then I realised.....as the winner was about to be announced,  right in front of them was the trophy.  A glitter ball.  I gasped.

The night before I was at the university christmas ball.  We pulled crackers.  

My prize was a glitter ball.

Thank you for the message Dad xxx