Wednesday 13 April 2016

What my holiday did for my depression

Skirting around this issue for a while, dropping you guys hints but not really going into great depth, I feel at a place where I can share with you my ongoing battle.

Anxiety and depression.

These are almost like new buzz words that somehow seem trendy.

Feelings like these go against all I believe in and all that I stand for,  yet it seems this is not a choice I have made.  It simply is.

My diagnosis came over a year ago now and I'm in bi-weekly therapy and hate to admit there is medication involved. I will speak more about that in another post yet for now, I am blogging here today as things are feeling better.  I want to share with you what helped for me.

Returning late last night from Alcudia in Majorca, Spain from a 3 night break with my mum helped.  I know not everyone can have the freedom of getting away from it all like I did and I am truly thankful.  Mum treated us both as we have found it difficult to get time to grieve after Dad passed away a few weeks ago (it's his 75th birthday today, so happy birthday Dad up there on your cloud).  

One of my sessions of therapy is with a mentor, someone who helps with practical stuff, how to cope with my university work load and that type of skill.  She also introduced me to mindfulness

It is a practice where you bring your attention to the here and now.  Lots of meditation.  But mostly realising that worry is when you think about past or present.  Worry has caused my anxiety.  I'm a worrier.  Yet I am also a law of attraction person.  So how can the two go hand in hand?  Can we actually control our thoughts to make us deal with life things better?  Taking lots of practice, I am beginning to see some clarity.  

For me, the sea, sand and sunny days are therapy in themselves.  I spent so much time walking up and down the sand that I could barely walk.  While the souls of my feet were in so much pain, my inner soul was nurtured. 

I'm super positive right now and I honestly want to write it all down so I don't forget! 

I know what I want, I know how i'm going to get it.  Watch me!

For so so long now I have known I want to earn my living with freedom.  Freedom to travel, to be, to take time to walk the dog when I need to.  While my job as a nutritionist will see me helping patients, I will primarily doing my work from my laptop.  Writing all my findings and publishing them for free for the world to use to create better health.  Gaining sponsorship from affiliate companies who I believe in.  Helping to spread the word of fabulous products.

All while saving to travel, taking my laptop with me and working like there's no tomorrow.

You see, I want to make a difference, my fingers are flying across the keyboard with passion and positivity right now! Yes, It will be hard work.  Yes, I need guidance and mentors.  Yes, it will take me time and money to invest in my new website.  Yet, I am determined to do it.

I wake with a smile on my face.  Feeling the world is a brighter and better place.  For so long now, my physical health has suffered.  I know the two go hand in hand.  I need time to work on my body, working on my damaged spine with pilates and not making excuses not to go.

Depression is exhausting.  Feeling like you can breathe and fill your lungs with life giving oxygen is a totally new feeling.  I love it.  I'm in love with life right now and can see all that it can bring me.  I can and will do this.  Are you with me?  Will you support me?  I can't do any of this without my lovely audience.  You guys.  I know this will be super. 

A new journey into a new me.  I'm working harder and loving it.  I'm eating better, losing a few extra pounds, I'm working on the spinal injuries and my crohns.  I want to do this.  In a few weeks, if I begin to see me slipping back into the old routines, I will revisit this post and realise how wonderful life can be.  

Only I can make this happen.  No amount of disrespect from others will stop me.  They don't matter.  I've been letting them in for far too long.  

We all have amazing gifts to bring to this world.  

I urge you to read mindfulness.  It has helped beyond belief.  

Much love

Louise xoxo

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