Saturday 30 July 2022

Do you care too much?


During a blogging lull on this website, life has been busy. Nothing more than you, I expect. 

Just life stuff. 

Recently, I’ve been aiming to focus on the forward direction of my career. It’s been a juggling act while trying to look after Mum of course, and still be a hands on mother myself. 

Do you find you take a backseat in the place of putting others first sometimes? I'm going to explain why you must stop that. 

Your life is your life. 

Not someone else's, because they have their own journey and path. Emotional vampires are easy to spot and dismiss from your schedule. But sometimes those who seem genuinely in need are the ones who are hard to omit. 

You know the oxygen mask analogy already. And you probably understand that one. But life in the day-to-day schedules should be no different. We need to take care of ourselves as a priority. We won't be able to help others if we aren't in tip-top shape.

In January 2021 I started my PhD journey. It's using a lot of focus. Mum doesn't understand it,

"I don't know what she does in her office but I don't suppose it matters," I overheard her say on the phone.

Yes, it matters Mum. And you can ask. I matter and so does my work.

I brushed that comment aside (almost, otherwise I wouldn't mention it here) and I began to reach out for help.

The UK has a crisis relating to the care system right now. Their solution is to ask the families to step up more and they support us to do that. Again, with my health, work, children, it's all a little overwhelming. So here's what happened.

Mum was given an assessment. 

So was I.

I've been given periodic support to help care for Mum when I am away researching for my writing projects. Amazing. I couldn't be more pleased. While it still doesn't make it easy (Mum and I have never been close, and she admits she is capable but just lazy,) it is becoming more possible to continue my own life too.

This week, we researched and focused from a place in the countryside. I took a while to settle in, as I am becoming more homely recently.

*I spilled hot coffee all over me.

*I got a huge splinter from a rowing boat (I called it exercise).

*The fridge door shut on my arm, cutting it in the process.

*I was anxious at the number of other dogs running around, off leads while Harley can now hardly walk.

But, this was focus time nonetheless.

I watched the sun rise at 4am, I slept with the rhythms at 10pm. I wrote. I formatted, ready for the next publication. I journaled in the hope I would gain clarity on my forward direction.

Sometimes, until you figure it all out, you might just have to 'wing it'.

But a lull on this website is unwelcome. I'm back. Are you still with me?


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