This excert is from my NaJoWrimo efforts as I write each day though July. In this very open and honest post, you see me talking about why I'm thinking of quitting love.
Releasing this writing and all of July NaJo (with my personal snapshots) will be available in book form on Amazon soon! Follow this page so you know when!
July 14th
The Wonder of You
Strange dreams sees me awakening with an odd
feeling inside my heart. As a bride in
the dream I was disappointed. A five-minute
ceremony with strangers I hardly knew left me wondering about love this
morning. Will I ever “have it all”? Is there such a thing? I watch couples on this holiday of a myriad
of situations. There is Elvis who sang “Wonder of you” to his wife at Karaoke
in between using the microphone as an opportunity to publicly declare his love
for this lady. They were older than me,
I would say late 50’s and clearly had lots of love between them.
After Elvis left the stage, his wife pretty
much ran from her seat to greet him with love and affection, cupping his face
with her hands and planting a proper kiss on his lips. Not proper as in French kissing but a real,
heartfelt, true kiss. She meant it. No denying that. They had a balance between being publically
decent and showing true love. A rare
thing I feel these days. Now when I look
around the restaurant I generally see couples who have nothing to say to each
other, seem disinterested or even at times one partially turns the chair
away. Of course there is the odd Tut
when someone says something the other is frustrated with or has simply lost
their tolerance to. Why is that? What happened between them? Would it have been an affair? Some other form of hurt which broke them
forever and never quite allowed things to be the same way again.
Do you know of the film “Love Actually”? Emma – I forget her surname
which is unforgivable as she is one of my favourite actresses yet it’s very early in the morning
here – who plays a wife who is very
nearly cheated on by her husband (who buys the necklace for the secretary)
at Christmas while the wife is left with the usual Jonie Mitchell CD… This realization moment is priceless as she
heads to the bedroom to take a breathing moment before taking the children to
the school nativity. I cry everytime as
the soft music accompanies this scene – “I’ve looked at life from both sides now”. We fall in love with this character who seems
to be the perfect mother and wife as well as sister for her grieving
brother. All things to all people as
many mums are. Yet the fact that the
husband bought the necklace for the secretary (to be honest, I don’t think he really wanted
to at all. It was all very awkward which
would see the wife with reason to forgive him) the wife decided that she would
blot her tears with the palm of her hand before taking a deep breath, painting
a smile and going back to jollying the children along. After a while we see her confront her husband
with the classic line which is something like, “Do you carry on, knowing
it will always be a little bit broken?” What a cracking
line. It will always be a little bit broken.
I’m long enough in the tooth now to know what that line
means. You stay because it’s easier, because you
love that person, because life gets complicated when you break up, yet; things
are never the same. Is this life? Is this what we should accept? We are all human after all. None of us is ever perfect.
Yet,
Dear Diary (open heart moment)
I feel I love with all of my heart. I
would never consider treating my loved one like that if they were also loving
me with a whole heart. Yet in my years of loving people, not one has. Not one has taken that decision to put me
first. Which leaves me with the question
of what is love actually about? Was I
put on this earth to discover this and write stories about it? I have some cracking books to write based on
romance stories which were real…. I have also read some cracking stories. Ones which allow me to become educated about
the differences between men and women.
Books like men are from mars. I
get it. We are different. The same could be said for every human being.
This time in Gran Canaria was timed perfectly
to get away to heal my heart. I thought
this could be something that naturally may happen. Alas, this is not what I’m feeling. All I see with my eyes around me and feel in
my heart is a lack of love except for the rare case. This makes me want to quit love. My twins love me with all their beating
hearts. They would never consider
trading me in for a new mum or go looking for a new mum would they? They just wouldn’t. No matter how tough things get. Likewise I would never consider stopping
making an effort for them and forgiving their wrong doings.
Why can’t husbands and wives be
the same?
No comments
Post a Comment