Sunday 31 May 2020

I had another baby boy last nights dream.

Which was so crazy! This baby had the usual soft skin when you held him, and the loveliest eyes. When I introduced him to my (actual) son, he held him close and I took an arty photo of the two of them to post on Facebook,
"When my two sons meet for the first time," to a shocked audience! No wonder, so would I be. My son is 20 now and my children are IVF babies, born after 9 years of fertility treatment and several miscarriages.

Why on earth would I have this dream? Well, we are currently fixing our house and I'm struggling with overwhelm. I won't deny there have been big worries about 
* my bad back
* money
* the workers
* am I up to this?
* being single
but my son sat at the end of my bed while I mopped my tears and told me it would be okay, they will all help, I will take my vitamins and he will take me on a walk before any of it starts.

Later on yesterday I posted a photo, an old one, on Instagram. I titled it:

"so proud of how far we've come in these last 21 years, just us three. They are now taking good care of me. I'm super lucky with my little family"

It's a surreal feeling to think that now I'm beginning to need some looking after too. I'm glad to have given my time to them and create these lovely humans. I have some awesome people in my life but these two youngsters are there for me every day, in every way and I love them dearly for all that they given while expecting nothing in return.

There will be no more babies, that's for sure but why try again when I got it right the first time. 
That little baby boy in the dream was such a sweetheart though, is it mad to say I miss him?


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