I had another baby boy

...in last nights dream.

Which was so crazy! This baby had the usual soft skin when you held him, and the loveliest eyes. When I introduced him to my (actual) son, he held him close and I took an arty photo of the two of them to post on Facebook,
"When my two sons meet for the first time," to a shocked audience! No wonder, so would I be. My son is 20 now and my children are IVF babies, born after 9 years of fertility treatment and several miscarriages.

Why on earth would I have this dream? Well, we are currently fixing our house and I'm struggling with overwhelm. I won't deny there have been big worries about 
* my bad back
* money
* the workers
* am I up to this?
* being single
but my son sat at the end of my bed while I mopped my tears and told me it would be okay, they will all help, I will take my vitamins and he will take me on a walk before any of it starts.

Later on yesterday I posted a photo, an old one, on Instagram. I titled it:

"so proud of how far we've come in these last 21 years, just us three. They are now taking good care of me. I'm super lucky with my little family"

It's a surreal feeling to think that now I'm beginning to need some looking after too. I'm glad to have given my time to them and create these lovely humans. I have some awesome people in my life but these two youngsters are there for me every day, in every way and I love them dearly for all that they given while expecting nothing in return.

There will be no more babies, that's for sure but why try again when I got it right the first time. 

That little baby boy in the dream was such a sweetheart though, is it mad to say I miss him?

Kids growing up - My twins

Long ago,  in a time which seems like yesterday,  I cradled my miracle IVF twins on their Christening day.

Can you imagine how proud I was on this day.  I never thought the day would come.  9 years of trying,  injections,  tests, operations and the like finally brought me my gorgeous twins.

A girl and a boy.

JACKPOT!

Feeling blessed every step of the way,  I can say hand on heart I'm one lucky mother.  They are a really sweet pair of children.  Today though,  they are growing up.  So much so that the time I booked off to spend with them on these summer holidays I'm finding myself ever so slightly redundant.  Most mums would scream: "Yesssss.... more coffee shop time!"

Leaving me in a place of, "What now?" Can be a little overwhelming.  My twins very much still need me so I can't go far and it's certainly not time to tour the country with work as I did pre-twins.  So here I am thinking,  "I need more right now."  

Wondering what that is,  I took a phone call from one of my best friends in the world,  Lulu.  She's wise.  Her response after I told her all my thoughts and how I'm loving writing more but still going with my business she said,
"My answer when you have several balls in the air is keep them in the air until such a time as you begin to drop one,  cos that's the time it isn't working."
Great point.  So here I am,  being a bit of a mum,  a salon consultant, writer and blogger.  Does writer and blogger come in as one?

Sad but cute thing:  My twins are very aware of me being alone until I finally greet Mo at the airport.  They often check on me to see I'm ok.  They are cute.  Bless them.  We will always be close and I know that will never change.  Leaving them to spread their wings is one of the hardest part of parenting.

Maybe it's time for some more babies.....

My "Office" set up today

I love days like today!

Have a look at where I am and how my day is going while writing my latest book on IVF.

I'm sat here at my gym lounge/coffee shop (You all know I love a costa coffee) and my gorgeous friend Lisa has just popped upstairs to run a couple of K's on the treadmill.

Little sweetheart baby boy of hers sleeps next to me in his pram while I sit clickety click on my keyboard.

Writing.

My love.

Babies,  my other love.

Costa,  yet another love.

What an amazing day I'm having.