Sunday, 18 June 2017

Lost

Lost.  Feeling lost.  

Wanting so much yet never having what I need in my physical body to enable this life.
Wanting to write, to read, to edit more.  Yet I awake and I want to sleep more.  My tummy rumbles in a C flat.  Why oh why can’t I shake all this?  Why isn't my house cleaner, my course easier, my mums house just packing itself up all by itself without the need of help from me?

Accounts need doing today. If I don’t get those done, there will be a consequence.  

Finding the perfect idealistic income opportunity, talking to mum about this seems tricky.  She doesn’t understand. 

Aiming to be off the anti depressant pills by September, I’m just not sure where I begin to stop those.  it’s a frightening feeling.  
Days go fast and less gets done.

Reading a book of journal entries, I know I simply want to get journal entries out of my head and onto paper.  Does this sound like a book idea?  

Writing, my saviour.

If only this would generate the income for help within the home.  Even making phone calls I need to make feels like an effort.  Everything feels like an effort.  Is it? Or am I lazy?  I didn't used to be. I used to work 90 odd hours a week.  Yet I ate at work,  did little to no housework (we were never there) and somehow life seemed to simply just work for me.  

Where is my energy?
Not in the bottom of  a coffee cup I know. I tried this one.  Doesn’t work.

My blood sugars are going silly. I hate that.  I need to get into Ketosis again.  Yet fathers day looms and there must be a meal for sure.  Will this meal have potatoes?
Gosh, none of this scramble head coming out on paper makes me look remotely normal. I know this for sure.  

I feel unwell.  I think I am unwell.  Even though I have tried the law of attraction for health.  

Crohns.  Being fed rice from 3 days old.  All my body struggles.  My poor body.
They are trying me on peppermint oil supplements.  After the gynae dr asked “What parts would you like me to remove for you?” And I looked stunned.

I knew where the future was heading.  Now I’m not so sure.


For now, I will sleep some more I feel.
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Monday, 12 June 2017

Why I owe you a big apology!

I'm sorry.  So so sorry.

You are the most important thing on my blogosphere.  You must know that right? If not, let me tell you then I tell you why...

I think about you all day, pretty much every day.  You are on my mind and in my thoughts.  I remember I must tell you this and that, writing out the muse in my mind in a way I feel is creative enough to warrant that keyboard under my fingertips before I get a chance.
It's not about the writing, its about the reading. 

The readers...YOU.

Why do I need to apologise to you?  IT's on my mind to write to you constantly then I don't.
Bedtime comes around and I have talked myself out of writing. For whatever reason there might be.   I'm tired, I've got off the boil, I'm tired.  Yet what is the number 1 thing I want to be doing with my time when I'm not at work work or looking after the family? It's writing to you guys.


Now you see there have been many times of late when those 'monkey chatters' have been going round and round my mind telling me to do something sensible with my time. Something credible. Something that will make me a solid grounding amount of money to take care of the family.
Yet is that really what I want to be doing?  Is that what will fill my cup,  feed my soul and get the bit between my teeth in this journey called life?

The law of attraction has been fluent in my life for around 4 years now, yet still I tweak it and play around with it, arguing with it.  Then along it comes with a bang to tell me, "Not like that, like this."  More than ever before I feel it.  i feel a calling with such strength to tell you my stories, to teach what i know and to help you along your law of attraction journey too. I had never forgotten that.  Yet needed reminding.

You may know through my other posts or by my social media (especially Instagram which I have been active on lately) that I'm doing lots of travelling. I'm loving it.  Every day I mentally write  a blog post to you all with cute photos the minute I get a chance yet still they haven't made the cute to this blog.  They will.  As will my stories.  

Clarity hit me right between the eyes this afternoon as excuses be gone.  Not a chance in the world that I will sit and take that sensible chance.  I'm a writer.  It's in my heart.  In my crazy blonde curly hair and in my life.


Me, my crazy hair and a bit of travel


I will write for you guys.  Help me by reading my blog...



Love always


Louise xoxo 
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Emotional Motivational Monday

Have you been victim to life stopping you being the person you want? Being the success you know you can be...
Now it's our time.

In this video I talk about this book:
Rich Dad, Poor Dad.  It's a game changer for me.




I hope you will take a little time out of your day to watch it and I hope it resonates with you.



Much love as always


Louise xoxo
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Monday, 5 June 2017

You are a miracle - Motivational Monday

Did you know what a cell looks like?

Well you are made of cells and knowing what goes on inside a cell is to me a miracle.
Even conception is a massive miracle.

Love your body.  Whatever shape and size it is.  It's a miracle.

Take a look at this: Anatomy of a cell

Sheet brilliance.

What will you do to recognise your amazing-ness today?

Much love

Louise xoxo



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Sunday, 4 June 2017

Videos of Majorca travel

Do you love watching Youtube?  Have a little look at this:

I'm chuffed to say I'm off travel vlogging once more. Head on over and come have a look at my videos in Majorca https://youtu.be/Lr7zvPUYgIU

Already, since my last blog post, I feel I'm beginning to look better.  Sure am feeling better, heck I even got some sleep. Waking at daylight time twice now!  Resetting my circadian rhythms as I read "Wired to Eat", educating myself more in the past couple of days than the entire time in University.   Perhaps, that's just me realising what I want to learn and what I need to learn.

Meanwhile, I feel how much my heart sings while I write my blogs, take these photos and edit the videos for you all to see.  Easy to share the love there.  Easy to feel my heart led passions there...






Do me a favour? Head over to the Youtube channel above and help me with my passions.  Subscribe and watch, comment on here.  Show me your own blogs. Let's share the love between us to fill all our passions.

Much love as always

Louise xoxo

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Friday, 2 June 2017

Time to travel to Majorca

Majorca.  The island of blue skies and blue waters reflecting within the sandy beaches.

I love Majorca.  Had to believe it has taken me so long to find this place in my life.

Here for two weeks to relax, read, educate myself and get things moving along in my health, Scott and I have headed to the mountains.  Fully intending to take care of myself (the little things like a proper skincare routine),  I'm going to take time out of life to show myself some love.

Here's a couple of photos, I feel I need to write more but my early morning sees me super tired today.


Waiting for a bus!

In the airport lounge

On the plane!

Look at the coastline of Majorca

I never tire of this view.


Tired but happy with the balcony.

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When you're just not 'feeling it'

Here I sit, with this view.


Amazing sounds all around. I hear a cockerel crowing in the morning, along with the birds.  Occasional dog bark, I visualise him chasing the chickens.   Sun rises again.  A true miracle in itself.

Is it holiday mode?  Or is it fuelling my heart beat?  My soul being filled in its cup.

Nature.  How I love nature.

Writing,  creating films.  Funny little things really where we shoot stuff around us in the hope it will inspire some people to live their dreams.  Along side their dreams live my dreams.  This is my dream.  To travel, to write, to film.  Documenting stories.  Telling those stories.  All while enjoying another insomniac night...

Then up pops a message on Facebook,  another exam result is in.  Excited, I take a look.
Disappointed, I didn't pass.  Writing in my journal directly after the exam, "Loved that exam, smashed it. Definitely done enough to pass." Thinking I may get a first in the exam, I was gutted to see I couldn't even hit the pass mark.  Being honest with myself, my peers and the entire system, I'm just not feeling it.  I worked really hard for these exams and now it's feeling like it's over.

I could resit.  Could I do any better than I already did? Do I want to?  Do I want to carry on with this degree? For all the stress and ill health I have endured (all while putting my writing dream on the back burner) I'm just not sure it's what I want anymore.  The system has jaded me.  I feel the real me inside is dying as I gain weight, suffer inflammation, deal with hormone issues, don't sleep past 3am each morning.  Is it worth it? For a piece of paper which says I have a degree...then what? I continue doing what I'm doing now.  Writing and creating content for Youtube.

Lots of thinking to do.
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Thursday, 1 June 2017

Time to sleep...

2am today.

2am?  It gets more crazy. Why don't I sleep?  Excitement?  Just don't need it?  Hmm, not sure I can say the latter as I haven't been feeling so well of late.  The crohns is nudging me to remind me it's still lurking. 
"Don't take me for granted." It calls.  I know, I hear you.  

We are friends now, me and Crohns. It's part of my life. A part I know I don't have to give too much attention to as I read the newest book in my library, "You are the placebo."
Yet, as I try hard to gain control of my tummy issues recently, I nervously pack for holiday.

Needing lots of care and attention to what I might take for appropriateness, I curse myself as once again I failed to take care of myself as much as I had promised this past week.

"Get to the gym." I ordered.
"Use the sunbed." I decided.  Making myself look more healthy generally helps with the mindset of feeling like I am healthy.  Still, fatigue took over and made me a spoonie once again. 
Intending to walk at as much speed as my tired legs will carry me, I'll help those cells get the oxygen they need from the sea air as I take to my holidays.  

Knowing this might be the first one in a long time (or should that be last one?) I pack armed with books and kindle and all things to help me relax.  

The stress of university exams has hardly seemed worth it to be honest.  The stress it has taken on my body is a hefty price to pay. Trying on the new clothes I bought for holiday I hardly recognised the woman staring back at me in the mirror.  Who is she?  My mum? 
Aging and losing the body that I would now love to have (wishing I had realised that way back when I looked more healthy than this) I am convinced I can get back to the place I was 3 years ago when my body was feeling better than now.
Surely hard work and paying attention to health can get those muscle tones back again.  'They' keep telling me in the medical world I need to take this and that, have this medication, this procedure, give up on the hard working life I lead.  Yet surely I could take a different approach and slowly get those fitness levels back again.

Not sleeping doesn't help.  Gladly, I gave up my room when mum came to live with us.  Yet I know it is taking its toll on my health.  We need to create more space.  Yet for the next 15 nights (would you include tonight still, although the dawn chorus is beginning?) I have a bed, some space to walk around naked,  which in turn means I can moisturise to my hearts content.  Well, who likes to do that then get dressed?  Be honest.  Ewww.

Holiday mode.  I feel blessed and lucky.  I have lots to read.  Lots to fill my mind with self help.  Cringe if you must but it makes me feel positive and bright for the future.

Knowing I have time to delete the 11,000 emails that have accumulated in my inbox while writing blogs and editing videos for the next couple of weeks, I know I am fuelling my passion.  The visitors to this blog have shown me with their feet they are out there. In turn the universe allows me to believe this can of course be the full time gig.  I LOVE it.  Thank you for reading! And subscribing to my youtube

Holiday time.  Here I sit at crazy o'clock and write.  After a particularly strange meal at dinner last night (I expected too much from Thyme at the Premier inn) I'm feeling a little the worse for wear.  Heading off to an all inclusive resort for our holiday,  I know I will have to use restraint and make careful food choices around my crohns.  Often limited, I must avoid the french fries.  They are way too 'carby' for me! Sometimes, the brits complain on trip advisor that it was the fries that saved them from starvation.  Hmm, lets see what we can do! Watch this space to follow our journey!




Much love, as always

Louise xoxo
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Monday, 29 May 2017

Do what fills you up - Motivational Monday

Like me, you probably spend oodles of time learning stuff to get you to 'the thing'.

Where do you draw the line and think "I'll just get on and do it."?

Now! That's where.  Draw the line NOW and start doing the thing.  You might be amazed.

Recently, I have loved the time I spent in my online 'business' (feels strange calling it work when it's my passion) and have been  more than blown away with the amazing comments.  Someone I hadn't known before messaged me saying they were looking forward to my new holiday or travel VLOG.  Incredible.  I wasn't sure people were out there waiting.    Filled my soul.

As the work has continued tentatively for many years while I still invest in courses for my own knowledge and development, I have decided this is the time to really go for it.  Imperfectly perfect.

Who's with me?

Much love


Louise xoxo


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How I feel when I write...and how you should feel when you do 'your thing'

Yesterday was tough.

Everyone in my company was amazing. The money was good.  Why am I complaining?

Listening within, which it seems I have forgotten to do in more recent times, I realised the way I felt after the day ended was just not right.  Screaming at me to stop.  On my feet all day they began to bleed. My bad back causing me huge issues as it was all I could do to get out of the car.

Waking early as usual, I felt excited to be going on holiday tomorrow.  Man do I need a rest!

As I lay in bed thinking over the day ahead, as you do, I decided to get up and make a lovely frothy coffee (soya milk these days isn't agreeing with me) and get to the keyboard, perhaps the pen.  Now, as soon as I did this I could feel words flowing with ease and excitement. Wanting to write about everything in sight and everything in my mind or even things not yet in my mind.  Crazy, 100 mile and hour brain driving in overdrive.
I feel filled up. 

Full up

My spirit is fuelled and filled.

This feels right.  From the ends of my sore toes to the middle of my soul.  This is where I need to be and what I need to be doing.  For sure.  Without doubt, why do we deviate from these things?

Old beliefs and programming stop us from being who we should be or who we 'feel' we are.  Get over these things.  Get down to doing it. Do whatever it takes.




Get up early.
Stay up late.
Which is better for you?
Ask for help.
Leave the washing up
Watch educational or inspiring videos while you cook.
Keep the faith
Remember you can so do this.

Ask around too, you will be shocked at how many people encourage you.
You will also be shocked how many people don't understand. Or want to. Or frown.
Or undermine you.
But know how you feel when you sit with that dream for a while.

For many years people saw me as this award winning hairstylist.  A great career with so much to be thankful for.  
Yet writing has been the childhood dream and still is...it's now an online business that I love. It earns me a modest income and will continue to grow the more I give attention to this passion of mine. 
So as university finished for the year, I was asked, "So what are you going to do with all this time now?"
All this time? Don't they understand I'm still working, still building an empire, taking care of my family and trying to keep a reasonable house which looks unlikely to EVER happen HA HA (not funny!)

People might not understand! Remember this.
Who does?  Your soul does. It feels it.  And I do.  I understand.  You just 'know' sometimes if something is right or wrong. 

Do the thing.  Do it.



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Sunday, 28 May 2017

The best law of attraction books

Yesterday, I received a tweet.

"What's the best law of attraction book Louise?"

So here goes.
Mine, obviously! Haha.




No it was never intended to be the best but I have aimed to write it as one of the easiest to read.  Understanding the law of attraction begins with my book.
If you are interested, I have other books in my amazon list:





Now, as I read the Secret I clearly understand it but initially I was left thinking, "What you think you lose weight and just get slimmer?"
That said, I love the Secret.




Abraham Hicks and the work of Ester and the late Jerry Hicks are absolutely one of my favourite pastimes.  I have learned so much from the Hicks.  I love them! A true AHA moment came after reading, "Ask and it is given."




A huge fan of Jack Canfield and his gentle ways, I would suggest giving this a go.




Devastated not to see any more from the beautiful Dr Wayne Dyer, I am pleased to see his teaching lives on through this material.



There is A LOT on youtube from him too.  Check it out.
I have shared a video here in which I love the set and I adore the fact that he teaches without shoes.





Save this page somewhere as a bookmark so you can come back to reference in.  Or you can use the sign up to email on the left,  that's not my email list,  that's just to get my blogs into your inbox.
Signing up to my email list is here (exclusive stuff goes in there!)

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Wishing you  a day of much love


Louise xoxo
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Friday, 26 May 2017

My son and the driving test.

Having twins in 2000 meant 2017 would always be about driving. 
What's a mum to do? You want to keep them safe, you want them to learn, you don't particularly want them on buses in this local area. Yet yawning from playing taxi driver, I feel a little old for all this. 

Remembering how I used to lie awake at night in those early days, counting my thudding heartbeats, (unaware it was anxiety) I'm thankful to see them grow into adults. 
Sweet twins. Super sensible. Me and their Dad remind them they need to mindread those drivers who fail to indicate.

Who's more nervous?  Him or me. 

I'm not kidding my heart is thumping in my chest and my legs are non exsistant/jelly like. 

Nathan is on his driving test. This is EVERYTHING. We have worked so hard and focused. Despite only turning 17 three months ago, it feels important to get a pass. 
Please universe, get him passed. 

Super safe in his driving, he seemed nervous this morning as he practiced. 

Me aiming to be the perfect parent, keeping calmer than calm through my driving instructor moments. Knowing there is another twin to get to this stage.  Yet it's not all selfless love. 
Spending time as a taxi, taking them safely to the places they need to be takes me away from my life of ambition at times. 

Glad to keep them safe (of course) my eyes seldom roll as they ask me for a lift. Always politely. Never assuming. My awesome twins. I adore them. I'd give them the world. Happily. 

Yet how long is this 40 minutes test going to seem? The instructor, a small chap with a big smile, seemed nice. Nathan didn't even look back. 
All I can do in my moment of worry is type and write. 
Usually social media would be my friend at this time but the secrecy of the driving test means we sit and write a blog post instead. 

So 8:28. He left at 8:10. Reading the number plate on the way out. Then clearly doing the show me/tell me questions as I see the wiper blades begin to career across the windscreen. Yes! They asked him that question. 
Off he pulled (perfectly) and took a right turn onto the famous Tesco roundabout. That's good news! He knows that junction from that side. 

Now I wait...

For what seemed like forever, I watched the cars turning both right and left into the road ahead of me.  Until finally a snowy white car turned seamlessly into the road.  Parking forwards into the bay, they pulled up.  As I watched the examiner creating signals which I could only read as instructions on how to move through roundabouts more competently.  Oh no.  No.  Noooo.
The passenger door cracked open.  Time for me to head out into the car park.  Expecting a sad and upset son, I was bracing myself for how to give the perfect reaction to an unsuccessful drive...

A smile.
A certificate.
Bright eyes.
Glowing aura.

"You passed?" I squealed. I looked to the examiner who said little but a wide smile said everything.
He nodded.  
"Oh well deserved Nathan. I'm so proud of you! Well done.  Oh god, I can't believe it. You passed!"

Greeted with a warm hug which told me I was the best mum in his world who helped him to pass,  we headed off to get him insured as a qualified driver.

Happy times!

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Tuesday, 23 May 2017

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Pulling into the car park for a cheeky quiet coffee, laptop firmly in bag, thinking through the first few lines of todays blog post.

Realising that listening to "The 4 hour work week" on Audible is wonderful and inspiring.  Yet I need action too.

Listening to those words of the narrator, I realise that there are ways to be successful without actually seeming happy. Or knowing that your soul isn't filled up.  That you aren't following your hearts desire.

While I agree with the wonderful Dr Wayne Dyer with all my heart, I also realise that there are times when you need to make changes in your life to make life work for you.

Just recently, we had a bit more tragic news in our family.  Mum has been diagnosed with dementia.  As well as heart disease and lots of tremors (not sure what that bit is yet) we realised this could all be such an awful experience.  Or we could embrace it which has actually been simple to do.  Far more simple than you would think.

People give us sympathy yet I feel life is wonderful right now.  As a family we are super close.  Mum has moved in with me and I intend for us to enjoy as much as we can, while we can. We are having lots of laughs.
As mum lived in the same street for 50 years this October, I felt it was only right that she has a leaving party.   Inviting her neighbours, mum began a little speech.



"I'm selling this and we are moving to Wales." She blurted not quite accurately.  We plan to have a second home in Wales. Her friends gasped and were not happy.
"It's early days Margaret, you might feel better later."
"This house means nothing to me anymore."
"It's early days, you might feel differently later on."
I chimed in, "Mum what about your health?"
"Oh yeah," She began, "I'm not going to get any better."





More gasps.
"So I need looking after."
I piped up again quietly. "The dementia mum." As I felt her friends were currently 'not getting it' which is 100% understandable.
"Oh yeah. I've got dementia and alzheimer's."  Again, a bit sudden mum, bless her, this followed telling her friends once again that she is moving to Wales and I think the penny dropped.
I heard a shaky voice, "Oh no, that's so sad." From a lady I have known since I was born.  Another voice said, "Oh now I see why."



While they then understood, they were still upset she was going to a point of 'can't something be worked out' but no, Mum wants her house gone.  She wants a fresh start.  She wants to get a little adventure and excitement in her life in her last little while walking the earth as a human.
There is almost always a twist of positive in something negative.

So thank you Wayne Dyer.  Thank you for your wisdom.  And thank you to all of you reading this.  Amazing.  You are the people who let me know that I can do both. I can work with my passion in mind while still looking after Mum.  All the while able to take her away to the countryside retreats we love so much. To keep her stimulated and aware of as much as possible while we can.

As always, much love

Louise xoxo

My amazon page for more of my writings, to support me in my work.
My author page on amazon :)



"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." 



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Friday, 19 May 2017

Sunny days are coming.

Keep positive.

Sunny days are coming.

Ride the storm.

Wait for the clouds to pass. While dancing in the rain of course.

You can do it!
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Wednesday, 17 May 2017

Depression

"I can't be depressed." They say. 
"I've so much to be thankful for. So much to live for. So much to look forward to." 

 Despite this, there is a feeling of flatness. Emptiness.  Strangeness. 
Wandering in a dream like state thinking how 'odd' I feel.  Where did this come from?  I was ok yesterday.

This is exactly what I would describe as my blue days. Those days when despite counting my blessings, I'm still under a cloud.  Never mind looking back over achievements,  the cloud still tells me life is empty.

Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better again.  Maybe I won't. 

A few constants remain.  My love for writing, even though there are days I can't get to the keyboard.  The love is still there.  Getting it 'out and onto'  - you heard that before I know.

The other constant.  Harley.  He fills me up with joy and love.  He needs a bath right now, my nose bathes in his lovely dogggy Harley scent.  Being out with him is my love.  Being huddled under a duvet with him is my medicine.  That and tablets.

Just as I thought I'd cracked it...for no reason...here it is once again.


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